This list may not be life-changing or insightful to you, but these are the things that I wish someone had told me before I gave birth to my littles. I think if I had known these things, I would have been a little more prepared, a little less overwhelmed, a little more happy, and a little more at peace. I hope this list can help you or someone you know!
1) I knew labor would be painful; I did not, however, realize that I would be sore for quite a few days after giving birth.
2) It is OK to not be in love with your baby at first sight. I'd even go so far to say that it is on the spectrum of normal to not experience love at first sight. I remember having the flu for the first time in my life when my first child was less than two months old. I called the doctor or lactation consultant to see if it was OK to nurse him even though I had the flu. They said it was good to still nurse him, but to try not to kiss him all the time and be in his face, as hard as it may be. I remember thinking to myself, Actually, that won't be hard! I don't really want to kiss this little thing that won't let me sleep for more than 3 hours at a time! I also remember being worried that I wouldn't love my second child as much as my first. Even after he was born and we were in the hospital together, I was still concerned that I wasn't attached enough to him. But then once I spent more time with him and he was home with me the first few weeks, I fell in love and have been ever since. Regardless of how you feel in those first few hours, days, and even weeks, it is OK. I promise your love will grow and change over time.
3) Always, always, always have a baby washcloth on hand to cover your little one during diaper changes to prevent pee on your walls, clothes, hands, and their clothes! It also helps to pull their outfit way up behind them so it doesn't get wet when they pee during diaper changes.
4) Let their little bottoms dry out after diaper changes for a minute or two. My first child ended up with pretty bad diaper rash because I was trying to get the new diaper on him so quickly after I removed the old one. It's good to let them air out (while covered with a washcloth or burpcloth, of course!)
5) Don't let your sweet little baby nurse for 45 minutes at a time per side or you will probably get sore quickly! I did not know this, and my first child loved to nurse for long periods at a time early on. Let's just say I paid a pretty heavy price during the first 3 weeks of nursing.
6) Call, visit, and befriend your local lactation consultants. I can tell you with my whole heart that there's no possible way I would have made it nursing without their help. Simply put, in my opinion, they are miracle workers. The ones at Forsyth Medical Center are the sweetest, nicest, most encouraging, most helpful people I've ever met, especially Penelope. She leads the free Nursing Mother's Support group on the first and third Thursdays as well. Nursing can be very hard at first, but it can be wonderful once you and your baby get the hang of it.
7) Ask for help. My mom had to encourage me to do this with the lactation consultants. I've learned it's good to ask for help in other ways as well. This is simple advice, but it can be very hard to follow sometimes. Please, do yourself a favor, and allow others the gift of helping you during this special time. There is no shame in asking for help. It actually shows courage.
8) Schedules work. There are some different ones, and you don't have to start right away. I didn't start until 10 weeks or so with both of my babies, and they have both done beautifully. Your baby can nap, needs to nap, and will nap if you follow a schedule and read up. My favorite books here are Babywise and Moms On Call.
9) The Pause! This comes from Bringing Up Bebe. I did this so much better with my second child because I had read the book after having my first. Don't go to your newborn immediately when he cries in the night. He self-soothed in the womb; he can self-soothe out of the womb. If you always immediately go to him, he will start relying exclusively on you to soothe him. This may sound sweet at first, but you want him to have that ability in the middle of the night. Obviously, use your good judgment, but give your baby a chance to practice soothing himself. Following Babywise, Moms on Call, and Bringing Up Bebe, my second child slept through the night by 3 months. You can do it and so can they!!
10) Join a mom's group and/or plan play dates, even when your baby is little. I did not do this much at all with my first child, and it was hard not having much adult contact. Find someone with a child close in age and call them or text them. Go on a walk if it's pretty and they're too little to play. Whatever you do, be intentional about meeting up with other moms. There is great community and camaraderie here.
11) Go to the chiropractor when you're pregnant! It can help ease the pain of labor. My friend, Heather, did this, and along with other training she was able to give birth naturally! I'm so proud of her!! On the flipside, there's no shame in having an epidural like I did. If I was pregnant again, I would definitely go to the chiropractor and see if I could give birth naturally.
One last thought- It just hit me the other night that my sons will one day grow up and not live with me anymore. They may not even live in the same town as me. I should have known this, but it hit me like a ton of bricks and I've been thinking about it more. I've heard it said that the days are long, but the years are short when it comes to being a mom. I think that's true. Try to remember to live in the moment with them in their different stages because they are so fleeting. It's hard to remember that sometimes when you're tired and you just want to be by yourself for five minutes. But I want to be the kind of mom that my boys will want to call, text, live near and/or visit with often. Lord, thank You for these boys and let us always be close in spirit even if we're not close in distance.
