New House

We moved last Wednesday, and I took these pictures with my phone that morning.  I knew the house wouldn't be presentable for awhile, so I wanted to get some shots of it to show you before we moved in!  I've tried to organize the before shots with the after shots so you get the full picture of the renovations :)  Even I was surprised when I looked back at these shots.  It was a nice reminder of how far we've come.

Living Room (before)

Living Room (after) with new entrance to the kitchen- Steven's idea!
Also, we got to design the fireplace mantel and we love it!



Living Room (after)- Now that the paneling is gone, you can appreciate the beamed ceilings!



Entrance to the Kitchen from the Dining Room (before)



Entrance to the Kitchen from the Dining Room (after)



Old Kitchen (view from the back of the house)



New Kitchen (view from the front of the house)



Front Coat Closet (before)- You can barely see it because it's all paneled!!



Coat Closet (after)- with a much better door!



Niche (after) that leads from Living Room to Dining Room- it was paneled before.



Dining Room (before)- with built-ins I originally wanted to save.



Family Room (before)- beyond Dining Room



Dining Room and Family Room (after)- So glad Steven convinced me to remove the built-ins!
We don't think they were original to the house, and it was the single best decision we made!
Thank you, Steven, for having the vision and encouraging me to see it!



Lincoln's Bedroom (before)



Lincoln's Bedroom (after)- I LOVE the blue!



Nursery (before)



Nursery (after)- with closet door that connects to our new Master Bedroom!



Master Bath (before)



Now it is the Hall Bath (after)



Another view of Family Room (before)
Now the window is gone, and there is a door that leads to our new Master Bedroom!



New Master Bedroom Addition



Double Closets for us and Pocket Door/Closet leading to the Nursery
(I don't have to walk all the way around the house to get there!)



Old Hall Bath (before)



Another view of Old Hall Bath (before)



New Master Bath (after)
We closed off the old entrance and put a new entrance from our Master Bedroom

 

There are a few minor things that did not turn out the way we had hoped, and it was a stressful process at times.  But in the end, the layout and space is perfect for us, and I absolutely love our new house!  I love how small it is and how conveniently located everything is.  (I don't know why I ever worried about moving to a smaller house.  I actually prefer it over our larger house, and I didn't think that would be the case.  It's less to clean and more to enjoy.)  I love that it is all on one level.  I love that it has a flat yard.  I love that we will soon be using all of the space once Baby Boy #2 arrives!  I love that we accomplished our goal of lowering our debt and still have a nice house in our beloved Ardmore that's even closer to our church than we were before.  I love that we've taken a house built in 1925 that many people would've written off as soon as they walked in, and turned it into an updated house with a modern layout that I think everyone can appreciate.  I owe most of this to my visionary husband, Steven, because he saw the potential in this house, and he was absolutely right!    

My Faith Story

I was asked to share my faith story during the Worship services at my church yesterday.  I was supposed to keep it to 3-4 minutes, and I think I came pretty close...maybe 5-6 minutes!  I wanted to share it with you here as well.  I hope these written words will enable you to learn more about my journey and this love that will not let me go. 

Good morning.  My name is Anna Rubin, and my husband, Steven, and I have been attending Ardmore since late 2006 right after we got married.  I would like to take this time to tell you a little bit about my faith journey.

I grew up in First Baptist Church of Marion from the time I was 2 years old to the time I went to college, and I have my parents to thank for that.  My experiences there were filled with an overwhelming sense of love and acceptance.  I always felt wanted and loved at church.  I had caring Sunday School teachers and a Youth Minister named Donna Shook whose love for Scripture was evident.  I had a mentor, Heather Wood, and a church family who I knew loved and appreciated me.  I accepted Jesus the summer after my seventh grade year, and it was primarily because of the overwhelming sense of love and acceptance that I had experienced from my church family.

As I matured, I found God to be faithful in all circumstances.  A song by one of my favorite singers, Sara Groves, says this, “All I have need of, His hand will provide; He’s always been faithful to me.”  I have found that to be true in my life time and time again. 

Another truth that became real to me in my formative years is that, “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.”  When I went through difficult times and people failed me, I came to know that God would not, and could not, fail me. 

My favorite Scripture as an adolescent was Jeremiah 29:11.  “For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the LORD, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope.”  I clung to those words as I grew up, and they gave me such hope that God did indeed care and that He had a plan for me that was good.  Even though I rarely knew as much of “the plan” as I would have liked, it was extremely comforting to me to know that He had one.

As I went off to college, I found another warm church with an amazing college minister, Rhonda Gailes, who not only had a love for the Word, but also a gift for teaching it.  She exposed me to inner-city missions, and encouraged me to work in missions the summer after my freshman year of college.  It was a very important, life-changing experience for me, and I owe her a huge debt of gratitude for imparting so much wisdom and encouraging me to do more than I ever thought I could do.

As I became an adult, God has taught me other important truths.  One is that He is not mad at me.  No matter what I have done or where I have gone, He is always my Father, waiting with open arms to pursue me and bring me home, where He prepares a feast in my honor. 

A favorite Scripture I learned in our Companions in Christ group, led by Christa Warise, comes from Hosea Ch. 2.  “Therefore, behold, I will allure her, bring her into the wilderness and speak kindly to her.  Then I will give her her vineyards from there, and the valley of Achor as a door of hope.  And she will sing there as in the days of her youth, as in the day when she came up from the land of Egypt.”  I have found that God continues to allure me and speak kindly to me, and He helps me sing as in the days of my youth.

Another truth that follows from this one is that God wants good things for me.  I know this can sound simple, but for someone who has a tendency to dwell on the past, the ability to believe and internalize this was life-changing for me.  As Sara Groves so beautifully sings, “I believe in a fountain that will never dry, though I’ve thirsted and didn’t have enough.  Thirst is no measure of His faithfulness; He withholds no good thing from us.” 

Becoming a mother has also helped me understand God more.  I truly believe that God always and only has our best interest at heart, no matter what it may seem like at the time.  I know that there is nothing my son could ever do that can change the love I have for him, and I would never wish any harm on him unless it was for his greater good.  If that is the way I, as a human, feel, then how much greater must God feel that towards me?

The last truth I want to share with you that I am currently walking through is that God loves and cares for all of His people, both here and around the world.  I don’t think God wants me to live in luxury, while His other children live in poverty.  From the words of Matthew, I don’t want to store up treasures on this earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 

And from the words of Isaiah 58, I do not want to spend money for what is not bread, and my wages for what does not satisfy.  I want to listen carefully to God, and eat what is good, and delight myself in His abundance.  I want to loosen the literal bonds of wickedness, undo the bands of the yoke, let the literally oppressed go free, and break every yoke.  

In conclusion, I want to thank my parents, Don and Jan Ramsey, my husband, Steven, and my beloved sons, Lincoln and number 2 on the way, for all of the love, peace, and joy they have given me over the years.  They have each played a significant role in molding and shaping me into the person I am today.  I am excited about what God is doing in me, in you, and in this place.  Thank you for allowing me to share my story.

I want to end my blog post today by thanking all of you for the part you have each played in my life.  I mentioned a few sweet names in this story, but there are so many more yet unmentioned.  People are the gift I am most thankful for this year. 

I also want to thank you for all of the encouragement I have received since starting this blog.  I have found writing to be very therapeutic and helpful to me as I process things, and you are such a special part of this process as well.  You make me think, analyze, revise, edit, and love every minute of it!  You motivate me to share more, and your words mean so very much to me.

I have never opened my blog up for comments, but I am leaving this post open.  I thoroughly enjoyed hearing other faith stories yesterday at church, and I am a better person because of it.  I would love nothing more than to hear your stories.  What better, more precious, more life-giving words can we share than our faith stories?  I know you may not have time to share a broad story like I did, but please, share what you can. 

I also apologize in advance if there are technical difficulties, as I've never done this before.  If you have trouble getting your story to post, please feel free to email it to me at AnnaRamseyRubin@yahoo.com, and I can always go back and post it that way.  Thank you!

Christmas

I'm planning on making this post short and sweet, but we'll see how it ends up.  It seems they are always longer than originally planned!  We are so fortunate to have the ability to connect in many ways.  Many of you may have seen what's been on my mind via Facebook, but I would like to expand on it here.  I've been thinking about Christmas and presents and excess and Jesus and this is what I've got so far.

1) We typically don't buy presents for everyone in my husband's family.  It is larger than my immediate family because he has a brother and sister-in-law who have 2 sweet children, as well as a sister and brother-in-law.  One year, we drew names so everyone only had to buy for one person.  Another year we pooled our money together to buy a gift card for a family in his parents' neighborhood that was struggling financially.  We typically still buy for his parents, either as a group gift from all the kids or individually.  I have enjoyed not stressing over what to get each person because we live in different cities and don't really know what each person would appreciate.  We always make it a priority to get together for Thanksgiving, and I think that is a great way to celebrate!

2) My family is much smaller.  I am an only child, so it's just me and my parents.  The four of us (including my husband) have always exchanged gifts on Christmas Eve after going to our church's candlelight service and meeting with our extended family.  These Christmas Eve events are most beloved childhood tradition.  A few years ago, in an effort to demonstrate my thoughtfulness and love, I really tried to buy two to three gifts each for my dad, my mom, and my husband.  We exchanged them after the hustle and bustle of the Christmas Eve activities back in the warmth of my parents' house around a fire and perfectly decorated Christmas tree.  When all was said and done, every single one of us ended up exchanging or returning over half of what we'd been given.  That was a lesson for me.  I had tried so hard, and it hadn't worked out the way I'd planned.  It was kind of ironic actually.  It helped me to see the futility that can creep in during the Christmas gift-giving season.

3) Christmas is Jesus' birthday, not ours.  How did we even start giving gifts to each other anyway?  I'm not saying you should never give Christmas gifts, but I am saying that some of us spend way too much time and effort and money doing so.  I don't want to give because I feel compelled to show my undying love and devotion by buying things.  I want to give because I found just the right gift that has some special meaning.  I want to give because my giving honors the recipient or the Lord or the least of these in some way.

4) Originally, I thought I wouldn't buy or ask for anything this Christmas, and it was not depressing to me to think this way!  But as I've thought about it and read more, I've come to a few different conclusions.  Even though I normally don't buy many presents for my husband's family, this year I have thought of some small things that I think will be meaningful to them.  I have also planned to scale back on the giving with my parents.  My husband has never been a big gift-giver or gift-receiver, so I'm pretty sure he'll be excited to scale back!  We have both agreed from the beginning that we didn't want to go overboard with presents for our beloved son.  We haven't bought him many toys thus far in his little life, but he has gotten more than enough from other people.  I really don't want much more for him.  He has plenty, but I know our family will probably want to get him one gift, and I am OK with that.

5) Jen Hatmaker wrote her thoughts about all of this in a post called "The Christmas Conundrum."  It is really great, and I highly recommend clicking on the title to read it.  In case you don't have time to read her whole post, here are my favorite quotes from it.

What if a bunch of us pulled out of the system? What if we said something very radical and un-American, like: "Our family is going to celebrate Jesus this year in a manner worthy of a humble Savior who was born to two poor teenagers in a barn and yet still managed to rescue humanity." 

When faced with Santa everywhere, everywhere, everywhere, we told our kids the story of the original St. Nicholas from the 3rd century, and his devotion to Jesus and the poor. (emphasis added because I didn't know this!) 

Four years ago, we started this gift-giving policy for each kid: Something you want, something you need, something to wear, something to read.  This year, we are giving each of our children $100 to spend on the vulnerable. This is part of their Christmas present, because as you and I know, it just feels so awesome to be a part of Jesus' redemptive story. We will give them some options, and they can distribute their money however they want.

Friends and countrymen, we simply need to spend less on ourselves. There are plenty of practical reasons, like debt and financial strain and untold energy and stress. But even if we could afford to spend $500 on every important person in our lives, that sort of egregious consumerism is unbecoming for the Bride of Christ during a season that is supposed to be marked by the worship of Jesus.

We can find alternative rhythms to show each other our love. My mother-in-law is so very, very good at giving meaningful gifts based on making memories together. She takes my kids to plays and museums and day trips. She invites them to her house individually and spends precious time with them. My kids gobble this time with her down. Let's give the gifts of time and experiences and our creative talents and words this year. They will last long after the electric griddle has been forgotten.

Let's MAKE DADGUM SURE the products we do buy don't come to us courtesy of slave labor. Like Ashley Judd said in Call+Response, "I don't want to wear someone else's despair. I don't want to eat someone else's tragedy." Our little church has joined the dog fight against human trafficking, and let me tell you something: When I refuse to carefully examine the vendors I buy from because it is inconvenient or overwhelming or I just really want that, I am turning the key that shackles the enslaved hands forced to produce my little goodies. I am as complicit as the abusers who exploit these laborers. And please don't tell me, "Not buying this one thing produced through a corrupt supply chain isn't going to make a difference." All that means is I don't care. If it was our children forced to work relentlessly in bondage, we would we hope and pray rich consumers across the world would battle that injustice by directing their consumer dollar with purpose, communicating to capitalistic opportunists "NO WE WILL NOT." We will call unethical business leaders to task with our words, our votes, and our money. 

Finally (and all the readers breathed a sigh of relief), instead of just pulling old habits off the shelf and leaving a vacuum of void and guilt, let's replace American practices with - and I mean this in the most sincerest sense - Christian practices. Let's fill our homes with Jesus and find ways to worship Him with our little families every day this month. Let's join the Advent Conspiracy, daring to believe that Christmas can still change the world. May beautiful words fill our houses; lyrics like Come and behold him, born the King of angels. As much as possible, let's mute the competing chatter trying so hard to invade our spaces; turning it down, turning it off. Celebrate Advent with your kids with diligence and anticipation. We ordered a fun version of the Advent Calendar, and each night the kids open a new envelope full of Scriptures and family activities.  

6) All of the reading and thinking and nudges led me to host a 1-day e-sale for Karama Gifts tomorrow (Wednesday, November 20th).  I meant to get this post written sooner, as some of you will probably not read it until after then.  That's OK though :) I still want to tell you about them.  "Karama's vision is a world where Africans are given dignity through the power of economic independence, artisans are paid a fair wage for the beauty of their work, and African women and children are given opportunity through the provision of food and education."  You can view all their products at http://www.karamagifts.com, and you can also learn more about the artisans who make the items on their site.  The benefit of this 1-day sale is that you get free shipping on all orders over $15 by using the code ANNAPARTY.  I also got to choose 3 items that are 30% off for this one day only.  Your dollars make a difference.  Money talks.

OK, so this post may not be shorter, but my part was definitely shorter.  I can't help it that you needed to read half of Jen Hatmaker's post, too!  Thank you so much for reading.  I pray it makes you think and act differently.  I want to end with a few favorite quotes from another new favorite author, David Platt, in his book entitled Radical: Taking Back Your Faith from the American Dream.

I am convinced that we as Christ followers in American churches have embraced values and ideas that are not only unbiblical but that actually contradict the gospel we claim to believe.  And I am convinced we have a choice. (page 3) 

But as a new pastor comparing the images around me that day with the pictures still fresh in my mind of brothers and sisters on the other side of the world, I could not help but think that somewhere along the way we had missed what is radical about our faith and replaced it with what is comfortable.  We were settling for a Christianity that revolves around catering to ourselves when the central message of Christianity is actually about abandoning ourselves. (page 7, emphasis added)

Consider the cost when Christians ignore Jesus' command to sell their possessions and give to the poor and instead choose to spend their resources on better comforts, larger homes, nicer cars, and more stuff.  Consider the cost when these Christians gather in churches and choose to spend millions of dollars on nice buildings to drive up to, cushioned chairs to sit in, and endless programs to enjoy for themselves.  Consider the cost for the starving multitudes who sit outside the gate of contemporary Christian affluence. (page 15) 

I know these last quotes from David Platt's Radical aren't directly related to Christmas, but they are related to the ideas in this post.  My mind also immediately goes to the World Vision Gift Catalog when I read these.  In closing, I wish you much peace with the Savior (not necessarily with this world), unending joy, and radicalness worthy of the Gospel this sacred season. 

 

Excess

As you know if you've read my blog at all, God has been using Jen Hatmaker and all things 7 to change my life.  (Side note: The Hatmaker clan will be getting their own HGTV show soon!  You must read her blog by clicking here or keep up with her on facebook for details!)  Since reading 7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess with one group of friends and doing the subsequent Bible study The 7 Experiment: Staging Your Own Mutiny Against Excess with another group of friends, I have started to view things differently. 

I do not shop as much as I used to, because while it can be fun to look, it is not fun anymore to buy things that I don't need.  I still enjoy looking at Carter's for clothes for Lincoln, but I rarely buy because he doesn't need any more clothes.  Let's just say it's easier for me to stop this compulsion than it is for my sweet mom, and I've had to reign her in, too.  While we're on this subject, let me give you another example.  We are fortunate to be due with another baby boy this coming January, the same month that Lincoln turns two.  See this email exchange between Mom and me that occurred shortly after we found out that our second child is a boy.

Anna,
We are so excited about Baby Boy Rubin!  We went to Peebles to buy him an outfit but did not see anything we liked.  We will get some stuff (won't go overboard, you can give us some suggestions this weekend) when we go to Blowing Rock at the end of the month.  Love you, Mom

Mom,

I am actually having a boy in January which is actually what I already had....therefore any more clothes would probably be considered overboard :)  I feel like we went overboard with Lincoln's clothes the first year, so we really don't need anything.  The only thing would be a little brother or big brother outfit.  Love you, Anna 

 

Anna,

Great idea.  I will try to find Link a big brother outfit and I will buy Baby Boy Rubin #2 just one.  He can't wear all hand me downs :) Love you, Mom 

The next time I talked to Mom, I lovingly told her that Baby Rubin #2 could indeed wear hand-me-downs the first year of his life.  In fact, I'm pretty sure he's not going to care or even know the difference!  I know as our boys grow, they will develop different interests and probably not always be the same size during the same season.  But for the first year of his life, Baby Rubin #2 will be just as content in big brother's clothes as in new ones.  I adore my parents, and I know they only want to buy my children clothes because of their overwhelming love for them.  So it's hard to say no.  But sometimes enough is simply enough. 

 

Another example- Until a week ago, we had 3 crib sheets, which was plenty seeing as how I do laundry a couple of times a week and we only have one child.  But in thinking about the new baby, I have decided it's reasonable to have 4 crib sheets so we have a back-up for each child.  This Saturday I found an organic crib sheet with trucks, buses, bikes, and cars on it, and I was excited to buy it for Lincoln because he LOVES those things right now.  I actually just put it on his mattress today and he grinned and pointed and laughed.  It was awesome!  I felt OK buying that crib sheet because I knew he would love it AND I felt we would need another sheet.  The key point being the latter half of that sentence- we would need another sheet.  Quite frankly, I used to buy things because they were cute even if I didn't really need them, but now I am really trying to make sure both of those qualities are true so that I don't regret my purchases. 

 

Another super fun thing for me in planning for Baby #2 is buying a hand-me-down crib from a sweet friend in our Garage Sale for Orphans.  I got a nicer-than-I-would've-paid-for crib at half the price that I paid for Lincoln's IKEA crib, and it's special for 2 reasons.  Number one- It's from a sweet friend.  Number two- My purchase contributed to the unbelievable amount of money we made from people's unwanted items.  Read this update below from my friend Jennifer, who worked tirelessly getting this sale organized!

I want to thank everyone who donated or contributed time to the Garage Sale for Orphans.  I sent a check today for just over $1600.  It's going to a place called Ferrier Village in Haiti, which is a community of housing for orphaned teens providing them with not only a home, but an adult mentor.  Also, the money uses local materials and labor as an additional benefit to the local economy.  Thanks again!

Jennifer

Guess where the idea of Garage Sale for Orphans came from?  You guessed it!  Jen Hatmaker introduced us to an organization called Help One Now, who came up with this concept, in her 7 Bible study that we did this summer.  And Jennifer Craven took it and ran with it.  She solicited items from our group and other Bible study classes, put up signs, collected items, bought us Chic-fil-a breakfast, the list goes on...But we raised $1,600 from UNWANTED things that went to people who wanted them!  You can learn more about the whole concept of Garage Sale for Orphans by clicking here.  

One last baby note: I remember when my friend Settle was talking about getting her nursery ready.  She said something to the effect that all the decorating and pretty things we buy for the nursery are really for the parents, not the babies, because they won't even know the difference.  I had never thought about that, but it's true.  So much of what we think we are doing for others is actually for ourselves.

Ok, I'm beginning to see a pattern because most of my other examples also have to do with babies, but that's OK :) They're pretty much my life right now!  Here's another example.  When I was pregnant with Lincoln and during the first few months of his life, I seriously considered getting a mini-van.  Why, you might ask?  Let me tell you all my reasons.  

 

1) It would have more room, especially when we add another child to the mix. 

2) My driveway is narrow, and that sliding door would really come in handy.  I smile at this one because if I only knew then what I know now...(we have since sold our house to downsize and the narrow driveway is no longer an issue!)

3) My car might be kind of cramped with a big car seat. 

4) If I'm going to buy one eventually, why not buy one now and enjoy it?

5) My car is ten years old and has over 100,000 miles on it.  It's time, right? 

 

Can you see how good I am at rationalizing?  We even rented one for a weekend to go on a long trip once Lincoln was born to try it out.  But in the end, we decided against it.  For one, I was surprised to see how expensive minivans are, and no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't justify that kind of expense.  Even though I had labored over this decision, it was not extremely difficult in the end because I LOVE MY 2001 HONDA ACCORD with leather seats, tape player, and 6-disc CD changer, even if it does have 125,000 miles on it.  I think I even love it more than I'd love a minivan.  By some standards, it's an old car, but by my standards she's a jewel with a lot more life in her.

 

Another example: We are currently living in an 1,800 square foot, 3 bedroom, 1.5 bath house while our permanent house is being renovated.  My life is no harder or worse living here than it was in my 2,450 square foot, 4 bedroom, 2.5 bath house.  No, Lincoln doesn't have a playroom here, but he plays in his room, and it's fine :)  No, we don't have a dedicated office, but I grade papers and type in the extra bedroom.  No, we don't have 3 places to eat meals, we have 2, but it's enough.  Even if we're still here when Baby #2 comes, it is enough. 

In April, I went to hear Beth Moore at a Living Proof Live event and Samaritan's Purse had a life-size "model home" that you may find in a country in Africa.  I don't remember exactly which country, but what I do remember was that everything was in the same room.  The kitchen, the sleeping area, the living area, all in a room the size of my living room.  The image of that sparsely furnished "model home" has stayed with me.  It has not stayed with me because it depressed me, because it didn't.  It opened my eyes.  I have more than I need.  Excess clutters and complicates.  Enough doesn't.  Lord, help me live and breathe enough.

 

I'm not saying that you need to do exactly what I do.  We are different people in different situations.  We have different strengths and different weaknesses.  My biggest weakness is eating out.  I have tried to cut back, but I don't want to give it up completely.  When my beloved car dies, I will probably buy a new one with leather seats instead of a used one because that's just how I roll.  I buy new, I buy nice, but I keep it for the long haul.  I can tell you that I am proud to say that I no longer buy Bumble and Bumble shampoo and conditioner at $25 a bottle because Suave and Loreal are enough.  And enough is what I want.
 

What I am saying is that maybe now is the time to examine your life and think about where you're spending your money.  What really matters to you and what doesn't?  What's going to matter in the end and what won't?  Try looking at things for what they really are: things.  Not people, not needs, just things we want and don't often need. 

Try thinking differently.  Try thinking about what you'd buy if you actually had to choose because you didn't have the luxury to buy most/all of the things you want.  There are lots of people in this world who don't have the choice.  If you do, whether you believe it or not, you are a "have" in a world filled with "have nots" whose children's lives can be permanently, positively changed with $30 a month or where a few hundred dollars for a well can provide access to clean water that could literally save hundreds of lives.  That matters.  A new minivan for me or new clothes for Baby #2 or new _________ for you doesn't. 

Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal.  But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in or steal; for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.              -Matthew 6:19-21 

I think financing a well in another country is storing up treasure in heaven.  I think tutoring a student at Ashley Elementary once a week for an hour is storing up treasure in heaven.  I think packing a shoebox for Operation Christmas Child is storing up treasure in heaven.

We don't always get to see the results of our giving, especially when it's halfway around the world.  But one of the things I look forward to most about heaven is seeing how one person's generosity truly changed the lives of people in ways they never knew about on this earth. 

What kind of treasure are you storing up?

My friend Settle

Maybe you have met someone like her before.  Someone who makes you feel better just by being in the same room.  She smiles often, compliments generously, and exudes humbleness and warmth.  Her name is Settle. 

I met her in grad school, and we journeyed together for the next 15 months and beyond.  She lived in Chapel Hill and I lived in Winston-Salem, but our friendship grew throughout school.  At graduation, she surprised us by announcing she was expecting twins!  When she was pregnant with those twins, we relaxed at the beach with her as those sweet boys grew in her belly.  We went to the twins' shower, and visited them when they were tiny.  We went to see them each summer, and she brought them to see my new house. 

Fast forward a couple of years and she is expecting again, another boy!  This time, though, she emails a request for prayers as she starts having complications around 20 weeks.  Then this stay-at-home mother of two is put on bed rest in the hospital.  Her family and friends rally around her, her husband, and her boys, filling in the gap until the new precious one arrives at around 30 weeks.  How many prayers were sent up for this family and this child!  But praise be to God, he made it and came home around his original due date!  In Settle's words,

Well Friends,

After:

-10 weeks of bed rest

-6 weeks of hospitalization prior to Duncan's birth

-a 20% chance of survival outside of the womb

-67 days in utero without amniotic fluid

-over 110 trips in a row to Duke made by Jeff

-66 days in the NICU at Duke....

He's HOME!!!!  Duncan Jeffrey Monroe met his big brothers, Jack and Webb, for the first time yesterday.  They already love their brother and have given him tons of kisses and "gentle" pats.  We are so thankful for all your support.  Praise be to God that this miracle baby is finally home, where he belongs. 

Love,

Settle

We rejoiced with them that Baby Duncan was home.  We visited and saw him with his big brothers.  We were thankful.

Fast forward again, nine months later.  You get an email from a friend of Settle's asking if you've heard about Webb.  You haven't, so you call the friend.  You can't believe what she says.  Webb has suddenly, unexpectedly passed away in his sleep.  How can this be?  How can this happen to this family?  They've been through so much, and they've trusted Him the whole time.  No one ever, ever deserves this, but she seems like the most unlikely candidate of all.  You pray, you read the obituary, you go to the memorial service, you wonder how anyone can plan such a hopeful obituary and service in this kind of pain, you hug the grieving mother, but you can hardly bear to see her and you cannot bear to think of the weight of this burden.

You send emails, prayers, and a CD over the next few weeks.  You think of her often.  How can you not?  How can you not think of this friend whose life has forever been altered?  You wonder how she keeps going.  The CD you sent was one of Sara Groves because it had these words.  You believe them, and you pray they bring her some comfort in the midst of her grief.  The song is called "Open My Hands," and you can listen to it by clicking on the title.

I believe in a blessing I don't understand
I've seen rain fall on the wicked and the just
Rain is no measure of his faithfulness
He withholds no good thing from us
No good thing from us, no good thing from us

I believe in a peace that flows deeper than pain
The broken find healing in love
Pain is no measure of his faithfulness
He withholds no good thing from us
No good thing from us, no good thing from us

I will open my hands, will open my heart
I will open my hands, will open my heart
I am nodding my head an emphatic yes
To all that You have for me

I believe in a fountain that will never dry
Though I've thirsted and didn't have enough
Thirst is no measure of his faithfulness
He withholds no good thing from us
No good thing from us, no good thing from us

Three months later, after emailing her to announce the birth of your son, you get an email from Settle that says this:

Oh my dear Anna.  Congratulations.  Praise be to God.  I LOVE his name and I can't WAIT to squeeze him in April.  I am proud of you mama.  That is one blessed little boy to have you.  Hold him tight.

xoxo

Your breath catches when you read those three words, "Hold him tight," and you can't stop thinking about them because those three short words hold so much meaning from this friend of yours. 

Then 5 days later, you get another email:

Hey Friends and Family,

We cannot thank you enough for the prayers, support and encouragement you have given our family these past few months.  God has met an overwhelming amount of pain with an overwhelming outpouring of love.  I would love to sit down with each one of you to talk about Webb, pain and God.  Because I cannot do that, I have started a blog.  There are other reasons I have decided to do this.  I've tried to outline those reasons in my first blog post.  Countless people have been praying for us whom we have never met.  Please feel free to forward the blog to those whom you've asked to pray that we do not know.  

settlemonroe.blogspot.com 

Love,

Settle

You read those first few posts, and you marvel.  You marvel at this woman of grace and light and truth.  You read through your tears because the overwhelming grief is still there, but there is always a glimmer of hope, too.   As time moves on, the hope starts to outweigh the grief, and you breathe a little lighter as you continue to read, captivated by every word. 

Settle is light and grace and truth.  I have been so moved by her eloquent writing and emotion as she walks through this valley.  She weaves words together like no one else.  If you want to read her blog, I recommend starting here in January of 2012 to read about her from the beginning.  Scroll down to read the earliest entry first.  I read and re-read her posts because there is so much in them to experience and savor.  She is a master storyteller.  But more than this, she is a beloved child of the one, true King.  And one day her family will be whole once again.

In the words of yet another Sara Groves' song entitled "What Do I Know?"(listen by clicking on the title) and 2 Corinthians 5:8:

Death can be so inconvenient.  You try to live and love.  It comes and interrupts.  And what do I know?  What do I know?  But I know to be absent from this body is to be present with the Lord, and from what I know of him, that must be pretty good.  Oh, I know to be absent from this body is to be present with the Lord, and from what I know of him, that must be very good.

Amen.

Mommy and Me

Previously, I have been wary of putting pictures of my son online.  But when I got these sweet images the other day, I decided it was time.  I am too in love with them not to share them, and the setting is just what I imagined.  I had been admiring some outdoor images that Brittany Sisk of Inspired Life Photography had done, so when I saw she was offering Mommy and Me mini-sessions on her Facebook page, I jumped at the chance, and I am so glad I did!  Here are the sweet results...

 Look at those curls...and those teeth!

Bless the Lord, oh my soul...

Psalm 103:1

 He withholds no good thing from us...

Psalm 84:11

 Where's Lincoln?

 There he is!!

My cup runneth over...

Psalm 23:5

Weightless

This is another reflection on inspiration.  I was recently introduced to Christa Wells and her music when I went to hear Jen Hatmaker speak.  I purchased Christa's CDs there, and her album entitled Frame the Clouds has become one of my favorites.  "Weightless" has become a very meaningful song to me, so I wanted to share a few of the lyrics and my thoughts about them.  (Bonus: Christa and Sara Groves have a duet on this album!)

 

Image and lyrics (emphasis added) from christawellsmusic.com

Weightless

Nothing scalds like the memory of wrongs I did when I was young

how could I

How could I

I’m sorry

I see the eyes of the ones that I so carelessly abused

how could I

how could I

I’m sorry

Well, I’ve carried this a long time

in a well hidden bundle on my back

but I’ve realized repentance is weightless

so I’ll leave my burden on the tracks...

Well, I’ve carried this a long time

in a well hidden bundle on my back

but I’ve realized forgiveness is weightless

so I’ll leave my burden on the tracks...

 

What powerful words those are.  I have struggled with guilt over wrongs committed since I was a child.  I have often wondered what true repentance looks like and what true forgiveness feels like.  So when Christa sang that "repentance is weightless" and "forgiveness is weightless," it really made me stop and think... and yearn to be weightless. 

I know that God has forgiven me and cast my sins as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12).  I remind myself of that often.  But unfortunately, even though He's forgiven me and thrown my sins away, a few of them have consequences that linger.  I am one who really tries to make sense of everything, especially difficult things, and sometimes it's hard to find the meaning in unintended, hurtful consequences that affect other people and/or myself.  If I can find some purpose or meaning, it often lessens the guilty blow for me.  A few things God has been revealing to me to help me fly, to help me become weightless...

 

1) He is always working out our redemption and restoration when we allow Him to.  He really does make all things new. 

 

Do not call to mind the former things,

or ponder things of the past.

Behold, I will do something new,

now it will spring forth;

will you not be aware of it?

I will even make a roadway in the wilderness,

rivers in the desert.

-Isaiah 43:18-19

 

If He can make a river in the desert, He can do anything.

 

2) I have spent way too much time believing lies.  Lies that magnify wrongs committed and their consequences.  Lies that make me think less of myself.  This was a fairly new insight for me.  I didn't think I believed lies, but my mind had tended to go way too far when it came to the imagined consequences and devastation that I caused.  Kelly Minter's study, No Other Gods, helped me to see this.  Her friend, Carrie, wrote the following about an argument she had with her husband:

Somewhere in our discussion I realized that I had been imagining and acting out scenarios in my mind that hadn't actually happened, yet I proceeded as if they had.  

In a moment it all clicked in my head that I CONSTANTLY believe LIES!!!  I know this may sound obvious, but for so long...I was thinking about the "big" lies that we believe: "You're not good enough," "So and so sings way better than you," "Nobody really likes you."  These, to me, are the clear and obvious lies from Satan- but sometimes it's harder to discern the other constant, little lies that connect to the "big lies"- the ones that help accomplish the goal of us believing those big ones.

To give you a better idea of what this looks like- sometimes I find myself playing out a situation that's happened in real life and then start adding to it in my mind.  Like what the person involved in the situation might have been thinking when they responded a certain way, or what their motives were behind their actions.  Really, when it gets down to it, I realize that most of the time they weren't thinking those things at all.  I allow my emotions and actions to be dictated as a result of believing that what I dream up in my had has actually happened.

I have always known that one of Satan's major tactics is to deceive and lie to us.  I guess I never realized that these "small" imaginations that capture my brain ARE the major LIES that I believe.  I then allow those lies to negatively taint my attitude.  My responses and treatment of others turn sour, emotional wellbeing is severely damaged, overall mental happiness is challenged, and on and on...you get the picture.

Can anyone else identify with this?  It spoke so truly to me because I do this ALL the time.  I imagine that people don't like me or don't want to talk to me because I surely have nothing of value to offer them.  Case in point: I was in a car wreck my senior year of high school, and I was in the hospital for a couple of days.  A beloved English teacher gave me a beautifully handmade book for my visitors to sign and write well wishes in when they came to the hospital.  Many people, including lots of my classmates, came.  A few years ago, as I perused that book, I was surprised by how many "popular" people had come to see me.  Back then I rationalized it away by saying they just came because we had a class together.  But years later, with the benefit of hindsight, the thought crossed (not settled, more like grazed) my mind that maybe they came because they considered me a friend or maybe they even liked me or at least saw some good quality in me.  It hit me like a ton of bricks and like a sigh of relief at the same time.  Maybe I had been wrong, and maybe I was a likable gal.  Could it be?

Ok, back to being weightless. 

 

Well, I’ve carried this a long time

in a well hidden bundle on my back

but I’ve realized repentance/forgiveness is weightless

so I’ll leave my burden on the tracks...

 

There are some regrets I've carried for a long time, years in fact, in well hidden bundles on my back, because of shame and because I didn't know how to leave them.  But if repentance and forgiveness really are weightless, then I shouldn't be feeling them or carrying them anymore.  And I should leave them on the track and walk on a little bit lighter, or maybe even a lot lighter. 

 

I can still remember sitting in Dr. Prater's literacy class one day, when an almost-audible thought crossed my mind.  If that's all you've done wrong, you've done pretty good.  Believe me, I am not one to minimize wrongs committed, and I don't even think I was reflecting on the subject when the thought came.  Was it from God?  I don't know for sure, but it's one of two times in my life that I think I might have heard Him in a semi-audible way. 

 

I don't think consequences are God's way of punishing me because I don't really think He punishes people.  Over the past few years, I have truly come to believe that He only, always, wants what's best for me.  Having a child has helped me understand that in a way that nothing else has before.  No matter what I do to or for my son, it is always for his good.  He may not like it at the time, but I am not capable of wishing harm on him.  I would gladly die a thousand painful deaths before I would intentionally hurt him because he is my son and he is joy to me. 

 

Ironically, God actually did send His Son to die for me so that I would not have to carry these well hidden bundles anymore.  He wants me to be weightless, and He wants me to leave my burdens on the tracks because He has greater things for me.  He does not want me to languish away in guilt or shame.  What is the point of that?  It only slows me down and makes me powerless.  It doesn't help me or anyone else.  There is so much redemptive and restorative work that He wants to do in me and through me that there is no time for that.  In the words of David Crowder, "I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way...He loves us, oh, how He loves us, oh, how He loves us, oh, how He loves."

 

Then the LORD said to Joshua,

"Today I have rolled away the shame of Egypt from you." 

 -Joshua 5:9

 

"Stop wearing the reproach of the past!  Two of us do not need to wear it!"

-Beth Moore added this to Joshua 5:9, implying that God has taken our shame from us.  Jesus bore it on the cross so that I don't have to anymore.

 

Wretched man that I am!  Who will rescue me from this body of death?

Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!

-Romans 7:24-25

 



Inspiration: Part 1

I want to share with you some of the people who have inspired me.  They teach me, stretch me, awaken me, resonate with me, and impart joy to me.

Sara Groves
She is quite simply my favorite singer ever.  I was introduced to her by my favorite youth minister ever, Donna Shook, when we were on a bus trip to somewhere.  I had the blessed privilege of being the CD changer, and Donna had brought one of Sara's CDs on the trip.  I'm pretty sure I was instantly hooked.  She plays the piano and is often accompanied by other instruments, but I just love hearing her play the piano.  More than the music, though, are the lyrics.  I feel like Sara and I have gone through similar stages in life, and her words are so very meaningful to me.  She is so transparent, and all of her songs are very personal.  I have been to every one of her NC concerts except to one in Raleigh when my baby was 3 weeks old, and I have somewhat regretted not going!  When I go to Sara's concerts, the best part is that she tells the story of the song before she sings it, so you know the experience that birthed it.  She has such a way with words, and her songs will be played/sung at my funeral, as they were at my wedding reception!  I have enjoyed all of her CDs, but if I had to recommend a few for newbies, these are the must-haves.





 

 This is her 2nd album and it's very raw and personal.

It's good for getting through a difficult time.

 

 This one has a lot of social justice themes, and many of the songs are inspired by her work with the International Justice Mission, "a human rights agency that brings rescue to victims of slavery, sexual exploitation and other forms of violent oppression."

ijm.org 

 

This is her newest album, and it is oh-so thought-provoking and mature.

 

 

This one is very sing-songy and pretty to me.  It's mostly piano music and her voice, and I love it.

 

If you have not heard Sara's music, I hope that you will give it a try.  You can purchase it from her at http://www.artistmediadirect.com/store/  (where you can get 3 CDs for $25 or 4 for $30!) or from Amazon.  I don't think you'll be disappointed!

 

* All of the images are courtesy of www.amazon.com.