It Won't Be Like This Forever

"It won't be like this forever," Mom said. 

This was her response when I asked her if it was too much to continue taking Granny to see Pa multiple times a week in his assisted living facility. 

"Can't she go by herself?  How long are you going to keep doing this?" 

I was worried about my mom's emotional health, and I thought she was taking on too much, as her dad continued to decline.

My mom went with Granny daily at first, then multiple times a week, for over a year, as Pa's dementia worsened.  Granny wouldn't go by herself- it was too hard for her to leave Pa- because sometimes he begged her to go home and didn't understand why he needed to stay there. 

Granny, Mom, and her sisters had kept him at home as long as they could until it became dangerous to do so.  Fortunately, they found a loving, clean facility that was only minutes from Mom's house where Pa could stay.  They were continually impressed with the staff there, and it was certainly a blessing to my family.

"It won't be like this forever." 

I remember Mom's words so clearly because they held so much.  It meant what she was doing was temporary...because Pa wouldn't be like this forever.  He would not get better; he would get worse, and eventually he would pass away.  Now, I can focus more on that meaning.  But then I focused on her, and the fact that she wouldn't have to keep on like this forever.

Despite all of the visits and excellent care while being in the assisted living facility, Pa's condition continued to worsen, and eventually my family decided it was best to move him to the Hospice House so that he could be more comfortable.  I think this was the first time my grandmother allowed herself to believe that he may not get better.  She had always clung to the hope that he would get back to his old self.  Though most would deem this hope illogical, why should she not believe that her husband of 60 plus years would return to normal?  She loved him, and we always hope for the best for those we love.

 

Mom had asked me to pray for a peaceful death once Pa was moved to Hospice.  She also asked me to request prayer on his behalf from people I knew would pray and treat his condition with dignity.  Heartbreakingly, he was unable to eat and had become restless and uneasy near the end, and she just wanted him to go in peace.  Though it took longer for Pa to go to glory than we had hoped, the staff at Hospice was able to make him more comfortable and there were a few miracles along the way.

Pa was able to tell Granny that he loved her.  I count that a miracle. 

The night before he died, Granny sat by his bed and rubbed his hand, as she wanted to stay by his side.  One of the Hospice nurses asked if she wanted to get in the bed and lay next to him.  I don't think my family had ever thought that was possible, but Granny said, "Yes."  She laid there with him until the end, and I can only imagine how special that was to her as he had been away from home for over a year.  I count that a miracle.

The next morning, Pa passed away, and one of the nurses said it was one of the most peaceful deaths she'd ever seen.  I count that a miracle.

My mom had been with Pa a lot during the days he was at the Hospice House, but she was not there when he passed away.  Thankfully, though, she didn't need to be.  She had been there with him through everything, and she was the epitome of a "good and faithful servant."  She was sad, yes, but even more than this, she rejoiced that Pa was with Jesus.  He was more than restored to his former self, as my grandmother had hoped; he was transformed to his eternal self.

Pa meeting Lincoln for the first time

I share this story because those words from my mom, "It won't be like this forever," have continued to resonate with me.  On good days, when I am intentional about remembering them, this is the way they speak to me. 

When my toddler won't stop whining over the same things every day, I tell myself, "It won't be like this forever," and I have more patience.  Because he is a child and those things matter to him, and he deserves my patience.

When he wants me to read one more book, I tell myself, "It won't be like this forever," and I read another book.  Because I know that one day I will wish he wants to sit in my lap and read just one more book with me. 

When my baby gets up in the middle of the night to eat and I am tired, I tell myself, "It won't be like this forever," and I am able to receive those precious moments with him with joy instead of burden.  Because they are precious and time moves too fast sometimes.

When my husband, who is a saint, and I argue because we are physically and emotionally worn out in the midst of these two children, I tell myself, "It won't be like this forever," and I am able to choose kinder words.  Because he does more than anyone to help me with these two boys, and he deserves kindness.

I share this with you because I want you to know that whatever difficult thing you are going through won't be this way forever.  If you can accept those words, then maybe you, too, can find patience, joy, and kindness in the midst of your trials.  These words have given me perspective to see that some of these things that are hard for me now are some of the very same things that I will look back on and treasure. 

For better or worse, this world and everything in it are temporary.  It is my deepest desire that I do not waste my short time on this earth, so that one day I will hear the sacred words, "Well done, good and faithful servant!" uttered over me as well.

Dad's Birthday

Last week was my dad's birthday, and he has always been hard to buy for because he says he already has everything he needs.  This year I decided to write something for his 63rd birthday, and I think those of you who know him will enjoy reading it.  Special thanks to my friend, Nissa, for this great idea!

63 Reasons to Love Don Ramsey!

1. He is sacrificial.

2. He treats Mom's parents as if they were his own.

3. He gets up early and stays up late to come visit me.

4. He drives a smelly, old car and doesn't even care.

5. He rarely buys things for himself.

6. He usually does whatever Mom wants.

7. He is a church leader in many ways.

8. He is a devoted deacon.

9. He truly cares about the senior citizens of the church.

10. He drives people to doctor's appointments.

11. He is a great Sunday School director.

12. He has served on multiple committees.

13. He is a talented musician.

14. He plays the piano by ear.

15. He is a great saxophone player.

16. He is a first-rate tenor in the choir.

17. He sings beautiful solos.

18. He is in the community band.

19. He has had a long, successful career.

20. He served Buncombe and McDowell County as a sheriff's deputy.

21. He served McDowell County as "major."

22. He mentored many young people in the Explorer program.
23. He trained many officers in the BLET program.
24. He helped many prisoners as a Case Manager at the prison.
25. He served 12 years as the Clerk of Court of McDowell County.
26. He is a devoted City Councilman.
27. He is handy around the house.
28. He fixes everything.
29. He owns any tool you will ever need.
30. He hangs blinds, pictures, and curtains.
31. He even goes into muddy basements to dry them out.
32. He is a community servant.
33. He builds ramps for people who need them.
34. He enjoys visiting and talking with the residents of Rose Hill.
35. He serves meals at Thanksgiving.
36. He helps people on the Dread Disease committee.
37. He has good taste in food.
38. He loves Mom's home-cooked food and prefers it over eating out.
39. He is a huge supporter of Jack Frost!
40. He loves BBQ!
41. He has become an avid reader.
42. He finds a truck and moving blankets whenever you need them and then helps you move!
43. He moves furniture however many times you need him to until you get the room looking just right!
44. He is a great Dad.
45. He stayed up until I arrived safely at home every night of my life.
46. He was always calm and pleasant on the phone if I called and said I'd be late.
47. He provided everything I ever needed.
48. He also provided mostly everything I ever wanted, although I am still waiting on that Barbie Jeep :)
49. He built me a tree house and took me on roller coasters.
50. He let me have lots of cats and a dog and even a hamster.
51. He bought me my first car, a used Jeep that I wanted.
52. He bought me a safer car, a new Honda with side airbags that saved my life.
53. Then his insurance bought me a third car, with no complaints from him.
54. He paid the remaining balance after scholarships for me to get both of my degrees.
55. He takes me to Fatz when I visit because we don't have one here.
56. He always answers the phone, and he texts faster than Mom.
57. He has always treated me as the apple of his eye, until January 22, 2012, that is.
58. Now he treats Lincoln and Silas as the apples of his eye!
59. He is the best Poppy!
60. He is flexible, evidenced by the fact that he didn't mind when Lincoln recently changed his name to Pop-Pop.
61. He builds a mean Lego tower and doesn't care when it gets promptly destroyed.
62. He loves to babysit so I can go out.
63. He lets Lincoln do whatever he wants, within reason, of course!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO DAD AND POP-POP!

We are thankful for you and love you very much!

 

Dad and Lincoln

 

 

 

 

 

 

3 Days Before Silas Arrived!

 Dad and Silas

 

 

Goodbye, Cable

It was Christmas Break, and I was in Big Lots.  I got a text from my husband that said, "I cancelled the cable."  I called him, because although he had threatened the cable company many times before, he had never actually cancelled the cable.  When I talked to him, he confirmed what his text had said.  He had actually, really, completely cancelled the cable.  We had just moved into our house the week before, so we were busy and weren't actually watching that much TV, so it was not a huge, big deal.  I had even told him in the past I'd like to try it, so although I was surprised, it didn't really bother me. 

Every year, the cable company goes up on the rates.  Every year, my husband calls and after waiting and talking for hours, he gets them to come down on the rate.  That had happened this year, too.  They had gone up from $80 to $110 for cable and internet, and he had called and got them back down to $85 a month.  But then the bill came, and it was not $85; it was $110.  He patiently called again to remind them that he had called earlier and negotiated the rate down.  Normally, as painful as it may be, that works.  This time, it didn't.  They insisted that there was no way anyone could have given him that rate.  So he cancelled. 

He knew we couldn't do without internet, so he called another provider and got internet for $30 a month for the first 6 months and $42 a month for the remaining months.  So we will save $80 a month for the first 6 months and $68 a month for the remaining months.  That's $888 that we'll save this year, and $816 that we'll save in future years if we make it that far.

I have learned some things through this process. 
 
1) Cancelling cable doesn't mean you can't watch TV.  Who knew?!

2) You can hook your laptop up to your TV and watch shows for free from the major networks' websites if you don't want to watch them when they're normally on.  Hence, our version of DVR.  Yes, there are commercials, but not as many as when you watch on cable.  Apparently, there's also a way to use your laptop to watch shows on your TV without hooking up an actual cable, but we don't have the right equipment for that yet, although we are looking into it.

3) Antennas are a lot smaller than they used to be.  Ours is a very slender, square, black box about the size of a one subject notebook.  This is what I use to watch TV when I need some background noise during the day.

4) When you have 2 children as young as ours, you're often too tired to watch more than 1 show a night anyway, and sometimes you don't even want to watch that!

5) For all these reasons, I don't miss cable as much as I thought I would.

6) Because of this and other reasons, I've been wondering if I should give up my smart phone and go back to a "dumb" phone.  I think I would spend more time PRESENT with my loved ones if I did this and be a little less obsessive about checking my email, Facebook, etc.  But, I'm trying to have more self-control and wean myself from my smart phone instead of giving it up completely because there are a lot of benefits to having a smart phone!

There have been some nights when none of "our shows" have new episodes to watch from the Internet.  This happened when we had cable, too, but back then we could watch Home and Garden or Food Network if there was nothing else on.  There have been some delays in the buffering and some frustrations when this happens.  There have been a handful of times when I just want House Hunters International to take me away.  But for the most part, it has been just fine.

I am not saying that we are perfect in the area of cutting back- far from it.  I still have major weaknesses: nice furniture and professional photographs of my sweet boys are the main ones.  Eating out used to be one as well, but having kids helped with that one.  Regardless, I am proud of my husband for cancelling the cable because he gave up ESPN, which is a biggie.  I guess for now we will just have to wait and see what happens come football season :)

I leave you with a question and a thought to ponder.  Where could you save money?  If you give it a try, you may find that you don't even miss whatever it is that you find the courage to "give up."