Baby Registry

I was fortunate to have a detailed list from my sister-in-law and a friend who went with me when I registered for my first child, and it really helped me navigate the multitude of choices.  I also recently had the pleasure of helping another friend register for her first child.  Here is my list of recommended registry items for new moms. 

1) Swaddle sleep sacks, but not the fleece ones because they're too hot.  I recommend registering for just 1 newborn one and 1 small one to see if you like them.

2) Flannel receiving blankets- 1 pack should suffice.  I prefer the larger Aden and Anais blankets to these because they're bigger.  These smaller receiving blankets can be used for burp clothes.

3) Aden and Anais swaddle blankets- They come in packs of 4 with really cute prints and they are the perfect size for swaddling.  They are lightweight, so the baby doesn't get too hot.  They also make great blankets in the stroller in the spring and fall.

4) Fleece blankets- 2 or 3 (depending on where you live) so you can keep one in the car and a couple in the house.

5) Crib sheets- 3 has always been plenty for me.

6) Breathable mesh crib liner- as opposed to the traditional crib liner that is a suffocation risk.

7) Mattress pad covers- It's good to have two of these in case the baby pees through their diaper!  My mom prefers the ones that don't have the plastic layer in them because she thinks it could make the baby sweat.  Crib mattresses have a waterproof layer, so mattress pad covers without the plastic layer should suffice.

8) Crib mattress- We got this Lullaby Earth crib mattress because it was the most reasonably priced "green" mattress.

9) Crib- We opted for this crib from Ikea because it was reasonably priced and we liked the color.  It says it changes to a toddler bed, but we haven't tried that since we got our second crib from a friend and continue to use this one for our youngest child.  We didn't want to invest a lot of money in the convertible cribs that transition to a full-size bed since we weren't sure what kind of bed we would want for our children then.  The Ikea crib does seem to be shorter, so it is probably easier for toddlers to climb out of, but at that point, you may want to go ahead and transition to a toddler bed anyway.

10) White noise machine- I ordered this one recommended by Moms On Call, and it has worked well.  It's even helped my older son take longer naps! 

11) Changing pad

12) 2 Changing pad covers- I like the soft dot ones, but any kind will do.

13) Some kind of changing pad liners- These are much easier to change than the covers themselves.

14) Car seat- We have the Graco Snugride 30, but I'd recommend the 32 or 35 to accommodate a baby's length for a longer time.  We have been happy with this seat.  It was the one that the Baby Bargains book recommended back in 2011, but I'd check the most recent edition before I purchased another one.

15) Car seat head rest or neck cushion for when they're newborns

16) Stroller Cart- We did the stroller cart that the Graco Snugride fits in instead of the travel system because we knew we wanted a Bob Revolution because we like to walk and our older neighborhood has uneven sidewalks.  I really like the stroller cart and still use it with my 11 month old to run errands because I can leave him in his car seat, snap him in, and run in a store.  The stroller cart has a roomy storage area underneath, so it is really convenient.

17) Bob Revolution Stroller- We LOVE this stroller.  We got it on Amazon when it was on sale, and then we got a used duallie version on Craigslist once we had our second child.  If you like to walk, it is amazing and worth the splurge in my opinion!
 

18) Pack and Play- We use this primarily for travel, but we also used it in the beginning for naps.  You can use it for nighttime in your room in the beginning if you want the baby in the room with you.  If your house is two levels, it's nice to have one downstairs in the beginning if their crib is upstairs.
 

19) Pack and Play sheet- 1 has always been enough for us
 

20) High chair- I did a Fisher Price Space Saver similar to this one because it fits in a chair instead of getting a larger, stand alone one.
 

21) Boppy Pillow and 1 slipcover for helping them sit up and tummy time
 

22) My Brest Friend Pillow for nursing- I prefer it over the Boppy because it's more stable and secure.  It also has a little bag where you can store things like nail clippers and lotion to use while baby is eating.
 

23) Medela milk storage bags- I had a Lansinoh bag split once when I got it out of the freezer, so I prefer the Medela ones.

24) Lansinoh nursing pads and/or organic cotton washable nursing pads- I prefer the Lansinoh brand of disposable nursing pads because they're larger than some of the others ones and stay in place better.

25) Breast pump- I have used this Medela Pump In Style Double Electric Pump for both of my babies and it has worked well.  It came highly recommended by everyone I talked to.  I had a problem with the tubing when my first son was a newborn and the customer service was excellent.  They were very nice and they overnighted me new tubing.  Most insurance will cover the cost of a pump now, but check with your insurance because I had to get mine through a certain website. 

26) Nursing Bras- I'd wait until the baby is born and you've nursed for about a week before I'd get more than one or two of these so you can get the right fit.

* Now seems like an appropriate time to give a shout-out to all the lactation consultants at Forsyth Medical Center's Nursing Mother's Place.  They were very helpful to me while I was in the hospital and even more helpful when I left.  They lead a nursing mother's support group on the 1st and 3rd Thursday at 11:30 where you can ask questions, meet other moms, and get free weight checks for your baby.  You can also call them with questions every day of the week.  You can make an appointment to go see them, and most insurances cover these appointments now as well.  I can safely say I would not have been able to breast feed both of my sons without their help.  They have been lifesavers to me!
 

27) Diapers- I prefer Pampers Swaddlers for babies.  My older son uses LUVS now because he doesn't drink much and they are fine, but I prefer Swaddlers for babies.

28) Wipes- Pampers sensitive wipes (thin) or Huggies natural care wipes (thick) are my two favorites.
 

29) Diaper and wipes case with a changing pad that wraps up and is easy to carry when you're out and about- I would get two of these!
 

30) Aquaphor Healing Ointment is my favorite for diaper rash, although it is not specifically marketed as a diaper rash cream.

31) Diaper bag- Get one that you love because you'll be using it a lot!
 

32) Hooded towels for bath time- I prefer the bigger ones that are normally sold individually as opposed to the smaller ones in multi-packs because you can use them as the baby gets older.
 

33) Lots of washcloths- we probably have 30 and are constantly using them still- to wash faces and hands after meals, in the bath tub, and to cover during diaper changes.
 

34) Tub- I like the ones with the sling.
 

35) Nail clippers, Thermometer, and Baby Hairbrush are the only things I use out of the Baby Toiletry Kit, so I'd just get them instead of the whole kit.
 

36) Soap and Lotion- I like Aveeno Unscented or Burt's Bees.  I also use Eucerin Original Healing Soothing Repair Cream for my baby's eczema.  It is the richest one they have, and it is the only cream that helps.  I tried Johnson's Naturals, and I did not like it.
 

37) Grocery cart cover- I used this with my first baby, but not with the second.  It depends on how germophobic you are!
 

38) Play mat with lots of toys above- My boys loved this Fisher-Price Rainforest one with hanging toys.  I didn't even use the sound and lights, but they loved the colorful toys!
 

39) I did not buy a swing, but we borrowed one with our first child and our second child really likes the one at my small group- they're expensive so that's up to you!
 

40) Bottles- My older son used Avent, and my younger son used Medela- I'd just get 1 of a couple kinds to see what they like, then buy a pack because they're expensive.  I wouldn't go crazy with different sizes, etc. till you know what your baby likes.  One benefit of using the Medela bottles is that you can pump right into them!

41) Baby spoons
 

42) Baby bowls that suction to the table with lids
 

43) Sippy cups
 

44) Feeding bibs- I don't like the ones that are 2 layers (cloth covered with plastic). I like the ones that are just one wipeable material with the food catcher part at the bottom.  I prefer the soft, pliable ones.

45) Aden and Anais makes super-cute bibs to wear all the time if your baby drools a lot.

46) Burp clothes- Have a few of these on hand for feeding and the diaper bag.

47) We have a diaper genie that's OK, not wonderful.  It doesn't keep all the smells in, but I don't know if anything would.  We used a trash can for the first few months until the smells got worse :)

48) Neither of my children really liked the Bumbo seat, so I wouldn't recommend it.  It's also something you can easily clean if you find it secondhand.

49) Exersaucer- Both of my children liked this, but we got a second-hand one from a friend because it is also pretty easy to clean.

I hope this list will be helpful to you or someone you know! 

 

Best Books for New Moms

I remember when my first child was born that I was afraid to be alone with him for more than a few hours for the first 6 weeks of his life.  It was hard, I was in pain, and it was not the blissful existence I had envisioned.  I was fortunate in that both of our parents were able to stay with us at different times, and they helped me so much.  When I look back on that time, it is amazing to me how low my confidence level was in my ability to parent!  I remember thinking that my mom was so much better at calming my baby down, and it was a long time before I felt like I could care for him as well as she could.   I don't remember exactly when it was, but at some point, I remember thinking (finally!), "I've got this!  I can do it!"  I have also been fortunate to have friends who have helped me and imparted wisdom along the way, and I derive so much joy from sharing what I've learned with other new moms!  In my opinion, these are the best books for moms-to-be or new moms.  I hope they will be helpful to you or someone you know!

The first book, Bringing Up Bebe, was written by an American journalist who was living in Paris when she had her children.  She noticed some positive differences in how Parisian children lived, slept, and ate, and she decided to share what she learned.  This is a very interesting, memoir-type read, and I highly recommend it!  Some favorite topics she discusses are sleeping through the night by 3 months, getting kids to eat real, adult food, and getting kids to live and play more independently instead of relying on parents to entertain them all the time!  She also highlights some really neat differences in French preschools.  I read this after my first child was born, and I really wished I had known about it before!  Shout-out to Nissa Vogel and Becky May for introducing me to this book in book club!

The next book is Moms On Call (0-6 months), and it really helped me to get my second child to sleep through the night by 3 months, which was awesome!  The ladies who wrote it are super positive, and they help instill confidence and joy in parenting.  They also have versions for older kids (6-15 months) and (15 months-4 years), but I have not explored these as much.  They are written by two pediatric nurse moms, so they include a lot of good health information as well, such as common illness symptoms and when to see a doctor, etc.  I also found out about this book after my first child and wished I'd known about it sooner!  Shout-out to Courtney Beaudry for recommending Moms On Call to me!

The next book helps with scheduling, but I must warn you that it is not the most interesting thing you'll ever read, and it doesn't really help with practical tips on how to get a baby to sleep through the night.  That being said, the schedule is AMAZING and has worked well with both of my boys so it's definitely worth the read.  I like Babywise's schedule better than Moms on Call's schedule, but Moms on Call gives advice on how to actually get the baby to sleep, so they are both very helpful and they complement each other well.  This was one of two books that I used with my first child.  Shout-out to Jennifer Craven and Leslie Hege, who not only recommended Babywise to me, but were also lifesavers in helping me implement it! 
 

Last but not least, Baby Bargains is an awesome book that helps you navigate the best products for your new bundle of joy!  It is absolutely priceless when it comes to creating your registry.  It is kind of like a consumer reports for all things baby.  It gives you information and ratings on different brands of EVERYTHING, and they update it every year or so.  They also help you realize you don't actually need every baby product on the market.  It really put my mind at ease when trying to choose the safest car seat and other items like that.  They are very reasonable and give you ratings in different price categories so whatever your budget is, you can know that you are making a safe choice for your baby.  Shout-out to Kristen Beavers for recommending this book to me!

* All images courtesy of Amazon.

Crumbs on my floor

I thought I was over it.  I thought I was doing better.  But then I lost it over crumbs on my floor.  It is funny to me that I once wanted a rug to go under the dining table.  Silly me; what was I thinking?

The toddler boy wanted Mini-Wheats and I had just mopped the floor while he was at school and the baby was sleeping.  I gave him his snack, but then shreds of cereal kept falling to the table and the floor.  My least favorite chore these days is cleaning the table and the floor underneath because it seems to never stay clean.  The Nester says in her book that her mom thinks clean floors make for a clean house.  And my dining room floor can't seem to stay clean. 

I confess that I ranted about crumbs.  I told the toddler to eat quickly and that he could only eat those for breakfast from now on, once a day, because I couldn't clean floors all day long.  I vowed to only buy the name brand from now on because surely it didn't shred and leave crumbs as easily as this store brand.  I threatened nap time; I lost it.

I went to put the boy down early for his nap because of the crumbs.  I can't remember if we sang or read, but I'm sure we did one or the other.  He got in bed.  I covered him up.  I went to put the baby down.  When I finished, I could still hear the boy singing. 

I normally don't go in, but this time I did.  I went in and his smile beamed.  I asked him if he wanted to sing again, and he did.  I kneeled on the floor beside him, rubbed his precious hair and face, and sang "You Are My Sunshine" and "Jesus Loves Me."  Those are our songs.  His sweet face gave forgiveness when I apologized.  Then his sweet voice said,  "Bye, Mom," and my heart skipped a beat. 

How does this precious one love and live so fully and forgive so easily? 

Forgive me, Lord.  And thank You for this boy...and for crumbs on my floor.

Photo by Lauren Hutchinson of Desilu Photography

The Nester

Washing dishes used to annoy me.  I do them, they reappear, and so it goes.  They are always there, never an empty sink.  Then I read Myquillen Smith's book, The Nesting Place: It Doesn't Have to Be Perfect to Be Beautiful, and she said something like this: As long as there are people living in your house, you will always have laundry and dishes to do.  It's a fact of life.  They will never, for more than a brief period of time, be completely done and clean. 

You would think this was common knowledge, but for me it was a revelation.  As long as there are people living in my house, it is OK to not have an empty laundry hamper and spotless, pristine sink.  Those things are signs of life.  It is not a realistic, achievable goal, even for a stay-at-home mom, to never have laundry or dishes to do.  It simply is not. 

Another thing I learned from her; it doesn't have to be perfect to be beautiful.  This was a big one for me.  I previously only thought perfection was beautiful. 

White undershirt with a stain that would never be seen because it's an undershirt, not acceptable.  Odd numbers or asymmetry, not acceptable.  One vertical and one horizontal, not acceptable.  Curves with straight lines, not acceptable.  Gut feelings over logic, not acceptable. 

Until now.  There are two pictures on my mantle, one of each son, and one is vertical and one is horizontal.  Why?  Because my gut liked those two pictures.  Previously, I wouldn't let myself do that, but now I know that it doesn't have to be perfect to be beautiful.  I did it, and it is not symmetrical, but it is beautiful. 

I thoroughly enjoyed reading Myquillen's book, and I highly recommend it.  It is filled with beautiful, thoughtful pictures of her own homes.  She's lived in 14 houses in 18 years, and most of them were rentals.  It is part design, part theology, and part let-yourself-live book.  I wasn't planning on gaining so much wisdom from it, but I did.  This book was recommended by, of course, none other than Jen Hatmaker.
 

Beauty

Dear God,

Today I'm pondering Beauty.  I've never really pondered Beauty before.  But something is making me pause to revel in Beauty never seen before. 

Flowers in a vase, eyeliner on a lid, a mantle decorated for the first time, a husband's easy agreement, a two-year-old's joy when visitors are near, a talk with my granny, an unexpected ice cream cone gift, the feeling of childhood, fun errands with Mom, a kiss from my dad, a prayer answered well.

I recently told my counselor I would like to have more fun.  It may sound silly or trite, but it is a real goal for me.  You see, I don't do things for fun; I do them for productivity, for efficiency, for marking them off of the on-going, never-ending, always-growing list in my head.  Previously, when the list shortened, I panicked.  What was I to do if the list ran out?  Would my utility to this man, to these children, to this world, run out?

I have spoken with friends about my goal.  In so doing, I have debated the futility of all things football.  But one of these friends who speaks of football, also speaks of fun, and I am intrigued.  I do not know this type of leisurely, friend-filled, food-laden way to spend hours of time.  I ponder her words of leaving laundry and errands for later.  My gut fear returns; what am I if not productive? 

This friend also speaks of community and says we were made for it.  My husband has long said that people just want to feel connected.  These thoughts swirl in my head as they look for a place to settle.  I like these ideas, and maybe they're true, but it's hard to find their place in this framework of rules I have kept for so long. 

Another friend says investing time in one child matters.  Staying home matters, even when it doesn't feel like it does.  Even when it doesn't seem productive, my mind wonders?  She says you don't have to reach the masses to matter.  Changing diapers and making a home matter.  They can be altar-offerings.  The perspective shifts.

Another friend keeps trying, keeps planning, even when it's hard.  She keeps believing, keeps offering, keeps opening, keeps doing.  Beauty, in her persistence, I see beauty.  We share ideas on money and excess, and beauty grows tall.

This husband, who so freely forgives and so quickly loves.  Beauty.  He even sees beauty where I see brokenness, in me.  He is thankful and joyful that I am his.  Beauty.  Father-God beauty.  Amazing-grace beauty.  Prodigal-son beauty.  It starts to grow in me and I fight to keep it afloat.

My counselor prescribed exercise to ease the depression and anxiety.  I love to walk.  I have so many memories of walking down our first-dirt, then-paved road with my mom.  I have noticed that everything is lighter outside.  Not just sun-filled, sky-lighter, but soul-lighter.  Lightness is what I crave, so every weekday morning that we can, we walk. 

The stroller is readied, the boys are tucked in, and we walk.  We walk beside busy roads, looking for buses and ambulances and fire trucks and police cars.  Because those things bring joy to that boy, and his joy matters.  We walk beside houses and yards filled with flowers and character.  Because those things bring beauty to this mom, and her beauty matters.  We walk during morning rush hour, and this woman somehow, strangely, feels energized and a part of it, even though she is only walking beside it.  But feeling connected and part of something, part of life, matters.

Kara Tippetts, blogger at Mundane Faithfulness, speaks of big love.  She speaks of small moments, and how they matter, and how big love matters.  How love beyond ourselves matters.  She is a wife and mother of four who is dying of cancer.  She writes almost daily, and she always reminds me to love big and reach beyond myself.  She reminds me that flowers in vases matter.  Mantles with squirrels and pumpkins matter.  Walks for no reason other than enjoyment matter.  Reading and singing and playing and dancing at bedtime matter.  He will remember.  He will feel loved.  It matters. 

Praying with him matters, too.  Thanking Jesus in front of him matters.  My heart smiled this week when we sat at the table and thanked Him aloud for a crisis averted, and he asked to call Him.  I told him we couldn't call Him, but we could always talk to Him wherever we are. 

I thought it would be hard to pray out loud with him and for him, but it is not.  The words slip easily and comfortably off my tongue.  The closeness of his little body wrapped around mine when we sit in the dark and sing "Jesus Loves Me" together is so true.  "Yes, Jesus loves me.  Yes, Jesus loves me.  Yes, Jesus loves me.  The Bible tells me so."  Beauty, anchor, truth. 

This God sent this Jesus to die for my sins so I would know of His beauty and love.  He could have been sacrificed for my sins without suffering.  He could have been my atonement without all the pain, but that's not the way it happened.  What a Savior we serve.  One who gave up His rights and suffered for us voluntarily so He could relate to us in our suffering.  Praise be to God.  That is big love.  That is the love I want for them both.  My deepest prayer each night is that they would know Him, love Him, and follow hard after Him all the days of their lives.

The lesson I'm learning is that beauty matters.  He made beauty for us.  It doesn't have to be productive to matter.  I used to live by that, think by that.  My baby is not productive to this world, but he is beautiful and he matters so, so much.  My toddler strives to be productive, but his take still outweighs his give.  Yet, he, too, is beautiful and he matters.  I matter.  You matter.  Because of Him, we all matter. 

Where do you see beauty today?     

To My Beloved Sons

Today I held you closer, asked for more of your sweet kisses, gave you more of mine, and swayed with you in my arms just a little longer, because I could not bear to put you down.  My heart wished you could know just how deep my love for you is, but I whispered to you that you would never truly know until you have children of your own. 

I thanked my God for you because now I understand a mere glimpse of what He feels for me because of the deep, unending, indescribable love I feel for you.  I think that maybe this is why He allows us to have these perfect little babies that grow up before our very eyes.  He wants to help us see that we, too, are His beloved creations that are treasured and loved beyond measure. 

Today as I held you, I willed you to know what a perfect creation you are.  No, you are not perfect by human standards, but you are perfect by mine and by His.  Your emerging personality, your quirks, your smiles, your giggles, your kisses, and that undeniable twinkle in your eye; they are all perfect to me. 

I think that's what God was whispering to me today.  I am not perfect by the world's standards, far from it, in fact.  But He created me perfectly in His image.  And He loves me and cherishes me even more than I can imagine. 

Oh dear ones, my biggest hope and prayer for you is that you can see yourselves the way that I do and the way that He does, as perfectly created beings made to know Him and love Him, do His good work, and glorify Him in all that you do.  Your mama is still learning to believe these things about herself, but she is sure they are true of you.  So maybe, just maybe, they are true of her as well. 

You are my joy, my light, and my life.  You are my beloved forever and always.

 

"How deep the Father's love for us, how vast beyond all measure, that He should give His only Son, to make a wretch His treasure."

-Stuart Townend

 

"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!  And that is what we are!"

-1 John 3:1

 

Lincoln, 8 days old

Uppercase Photography

 

Silas, 9 days old

Uppercase Photography

Birth Story, Part 2 (a.k.a. "The Button")

Everything was much quicker this time than with my first child.  My water had broken with him, and I hadn't felt any contractions or had any pain by the time we got to the hospital.  My husband and I had parked in the parking deck and walked into the hospital together.  But this time, I had my husband drop me off at the front door, and a kind gentlemen offered to roll me up to the 3rd floor in a wheelchair.  I was getting more uncomfortable, so I let him.

When we got to the third floor, a nurse took me back to examine me.  I told her I had been 5.5 centimeters dilated on Friday without any contractions, but they were coming fast now.  Fortunately, Dr. Schwartz saw me, remembered me, and told her if I was having contractions, then I was ready to go upstairs to deliver.  I am thankful for that because it sped up the process. 

The nurse said she would go ahead and do my IV and some other things that they normally do upstairs since they didn't have an open room yet.  I went ahead and asked for an epidural to help with the pain because it was getting worse. 

With my first son, I had thought I would try as long as I could without an epidural, but I ended up getting one and was very glad I did.  The nurse said she would let them know upstairs that I wanted one.  She also said I was very calm (i.e. quiet!) to be as far dilated as I was with contractions coming as fast as mine were.  At this point, they were 3-4 minutes apart.

By the time we got upstairs to labor and delivery, I was in a lot of pain.  I continued to ask anyone and everyone who came into my room for an epidural.  As the pain increased, I could no longer sit still or stay quiet during the contractions.  No position and nothing I did eased the pain.  I know I was getting very loud, and I was flailing around like a rabid animal, in futile attempts to ease the pain.  What I would give for a video of that morning!

Thankfully, one of the nurses let me squeeze her hand during the contractions.  They were lasting so long and coming so fast that I couldn't even begin to think about relaxing between them.  At one point I must have looked like I was going to bite her because she said, "You can squeeze my hand as hard as you want, but please don't bite me!"  I am happy to report that I did not, in fact, bite her.

I kept asking for the epidural as I was literally writhing in pain, and they kept telling me it was coming.  At one point, that same nurse that let me hold and squeeze her hand said the anesthesiologist was coming down the hall.  But he must have been at the very end of the hall because minutes passed, and he still didn't come.  

At some point, I began pleading, "Please...please...please," over and over again, begging for the epidural.  I did not know what else to do, so I just kept repeating that over and over again, thinking they would surely grant my request if I asked nicely.

Side note: This kind of verbal repetition is a habit of mine that has become a coping mechanism.  Whenever I am particularly nervous, stressed, angry, freezing cold, or just need the time to pass faster than it is, I sing "Jesus Loves Me" over and over again in my mind.  I do not know when I started doing this, but I know that it helps because it gets my mind off of whatever it's fixating on.  I remember reading a story about an abused child who had an older lady as a mentor.  The child had never really responded to the mentor, but the lady didn't give up on her and would often sing to her.  At one point, something traumatic happened to the child and she ended up in the hospital.  She had completely shut down, and the only person the hospital knew to call was the mentor.  The mentor came, and even though the child was in a very bad place, she opened up a little and crawled into the lady's lap while she sang to her.  I don't even remember if "Jesus Loves Me" was what she sang, but it's what I sing.

OK, back to the birth story...

I can still remember looking at my husband in a moment of desperation, wide-eyed and panicked, "What if it doesn't come in time?  What am I going to do?"  That was the most physical pain I have ever experienced, and I believe that was the most panicked I have ever been in my life.

At one point, I felt like the baby moved down and I felt more pressure, but there was no way I was going to start pushing.  The nurse wanted to check me to see how far dilated I was, but I turned over on my side, shut my legs, and cried, "No!" because I was afraid that I was fully dilated and that they wouldn't give me an epidural if that was the case.  

Dr. Schwartz even asked if I wanted to just go ahead and push, and I said, "No," but in my mind, I was thinking, "Are you insane?  Of course I don't want to just go ahead and push!  What kind of a question is that?" 

In that moment, all I could think about was my amazingly calm, stronger-than-I-am yoga teacher.  She had shared with us that she had not had an epidural, and that she'd been OK during the contractions, but that she was surprised how painful it was when her baby's head crowned.  I wasn't making it through the contractions fine, and I sure didn't want to know what it felt like when my baby's head crowned!

During all of this, I continued to beg, "Please...please...please," hoping that my good manners would make my epidural come faster.  I was sweating all over, and I remember thinking, "This is what labor looks like on TV." 

I didn't sweat with my first son, but I think that's because I was never in that much pain with him.  I remember looking around and seeing all the nurses, standing quietly around the perimeter of my room, as they respected my wishes and waited.  For a moment, time seemed to stand still. 

Believe it or not, I am normally not a very vocally demanding person when it comes to health care.  But in this kind of pain, I became one.  I felt like this was one time in my life when I had the right (probably, more accurately, the privilege) of demanding to get what I wanted.

Finally, finally, finally, the anesthesiologist walked in the door, and the first wave of relief came.  I was so thankful he was there, but I knew he still had to get the epidural in; I also knew that sometimes epidurals don't work. 

I pulled myself up as fast as I could and got into position for him to insert the needle.  I remembered that with my first son they waited to insert it until I was in between contractions, but this time the contractions were coming so fast and lasting so long that I was worried the anesthesiologist wouldn't want to give it to me.  I assured him that I would be still, and I willed myself to do so because I knew this was my only chance of relief.

The anesthesiologist began his work, and it seemed like everything was going well.  A few minutes in, I remember thinking, "This should be working now."  Then I remembered that with my first son there was a button you could push to release more medicine in the epidural.  They had told me to push it if I started feeling pain again.  I only had to push it a few times back then, but I can not tell you how ready I was to push that button this time. 

So then my constant plea changed from, "Please, please, please," to "Push the button, push the button, push the button."  I was still in immense pain, and I looked over and saw my husband laughing at me.  Normally, I would have lost it, but in that moment, I hurt so much that I didn't even care.  Later, when I asked him about it, he said that he was not laughing at my pain, cries, or contortions, but at the fact that I just kept saying, "Push the button!" over and over again.  I guess I can forgive him for that :)

"Push the button, push the button, push the button,"  I softly, methodically begged. 

"Right now, I AM the button," my anesthesiologist said, somewhat emphatically, somewhat matter-of-factly, and definitely perfectly timed.

That is my favorite line ever.  "Right now, I AM the button!"  I will never forget those words.

Fortunately, the epidural did work, and I did get almost immediate relief once it kicked in.  I stopped sweating, and I became very relaxed.  They let me rest a few minutes before I started pushing, and I am thankful for that.  "This must be what it feels like to be high," I told my husband.  I felt so amazingly calm, relaxed, and happy, all of which stood in stark contrast to the excruciating pain, fear, and desperation I had felt only minutes earlier.

Soon after that, our beloved second child was born.  He entered this world at 8:27 AM, less than 3 hours after I had my first contraction.  He weighed 7 pounds, 10 ounces and was 20.5 inches long.  He was and continues to be absolutely perfect. 

 

As I think back on that morning, I often wonder if I could have delivered him without an epidural.  I was so close, and maybe I should have tried.  But then I imagine myself back there, in that hospital room.  And I remember that I was in labor for 12 hours the first time, and I didn't know how quickly my second child would be born.  And I remember the unbelievable pain that I can not adequately describe and the desperate sense of panic I felt when I thought I might not get the epidural in time.  And I remember the sounds I uttered and the way my body moved in that bed.  And I remember the button, that blessed button, and the amazingly complete, utter relief it gave me.  And I remember the way I was able to relax and watch my second child come into this world.  And I smile.


The Button!!

I would also like to add that I am currently reading Half The Sky: Turning Oppression into Opportunity for Women Worldwide with a group at my church.  I never realized how extremely fortunate I am to receive the amazing healthcare I do until reading this book.  I was not naïve enough to think that everyone has access to epidurals during childbirth.  But I did not realize how many women around the world have virtually no access to health care professionals or facilities when delivering their babies, or how many women's lives are drastically changed forever from things like obstetric fistulas or other complications during childbirth, or how many women and babies die during the process. 

So many women and babies around the world are negatively affected by a lack of financial resources, hospitals, and/or medical professionals.  This all becomes very real when you read their stories just after giving birth.  I highly recommend this book, as it is eye-opening to many different challenges that women face around the world, including human trafficking, sexism, lack of education, and extreme poverty.  Interspersed throughout the book are stories of hope and redemption, along with those of the people and organizations that make them possible.  This book has reminded me once again how unbelievably fortunate we are to live in the time and place that we do.

 

Birth Story, Part 1

"Have you been having any contractions?" Dr. Helman asked at my 39 week appointment.

"No, I don't think so.  I've had some tightening in my stomach, but I've had that for a long time and it's not painful."

"Let me check to see if you're dilated.  I don't think you are.  Your cervix is really far back, so it's hard to tell.  Wait a second, there it is.  You're 5.5 centimeters dilated!  Are you sure you haven't been having contractions?"

"I don't know; I don't think so."

"Let's hook you up to a machine and see if you're having regular contractions.  You could have this baby today."

I was surprised to find out I was that far dilated without being in any pain.  They hooked me up to a machine for 30 minutes, and it did not show regular contractions, so I went home.  The doctor told me to make any last minute preparations that afternoon since I could have the baby any time!  My husband thought we should go ahead and call my parents so they could watch our toddler in case I went into labor soon.  We called them and told them there wasn't a huge hurry but that it would be good if they could come sometime that day.

We picked up our toddler from his half-day preschool and put him down for his daily nap.  While he slept, I packed our bags for the hospital.  Then while I waited for my parents to come, all I could think about was that I needed to go to school and get a few last minute things ready for my long-term sub.  My husband didn't think I should worry about that, but I did.  So I called my friend, Kristen, to come take me to work because my parents didn't want me to drive in case I went into labor.  Then I called my husband, and he came home to stay with our slumbering toddler.

I got everything situated at school and came home.  By then, my parents were here.  Now what?  We just sat around and waited...waited for contractions or my water to break or something.  Later that night, nothing had really seemed to change, but I was still having the tightening and it seemed a little more intense.  I didn't really think it was that different, but at that point, I didn't trust my ability to know since I hadn't known that I was 5.5 centimeters dilated earlier that day.

We decided to go to the hospital that night to get checked to see if anything had happened.  I knew that second babies often come quicker than first babies, so I wanted to be ready if I was in active labor.  We went and were there for four painfully long hours only to find out that nothing had changed.  They said I could walk for an hour and get re-checked or I could go home.  I had already been walking, so I didn't think that would do anything.  I was tired, and I wanted to go home and sleep.  That was Friday night.  Saturday and Sunday came and went...still nothing.  No contractions, no pain, no baby.

Sunday evening, I decided I would go to the doctor on Monday morning instead of going to work so I could get re-checked without having to go to the hospital again.  I emailed my principal and long-term sub and told them my plan.

I woke up on Monday morning at 5:30 with what I thought may be a contraction.  I looked at my phone to see what time it was so I could know how far apart they were if I had another one.  Ten minutes later, I had the same feeling.  I told my husband I thought I might be going into labor.  He wanted to take a shower, so while he did that, I kept my eye on the clock to see how far apart my contractions were.  The next contraction was 9 minutes later, so I called my mom and told her to come over. 

I got dressed and put on make-up because I wanted to look good in the pictures when this baby was born!  I ate breakfast (because they don't let you eat at the hospital, which has never made any sense to me) and emailed my principal and secretary to tell them I thought I was finally going into labor!  My contractions kept speeding up, and soon after my husband was dressed, I called Mom back and said, "Come, now!"  My husband had made himself some oatmeal, but I told him he'd have to make it to-go because we had to leave now!  My contractions were only 5 minutes apart even though they'd only started 45 minutes earlier, and I was afraid to wait any longer.  As soon as my mom arrived, we were off to the hospital!

* Part 2 of the Birth Story coming soon! *

It Won't Be Like This Forever

"It won't be like this forever," Mom said. 

This was her response when I asked her if it was too much to continue taking Granny to see Pa multiple times a week in his assisted living facility. 

"Can't she go by herself?  How long are you going to keep doing this?" 

I was worried about my mom's emotional health, and I thought she was taking on too much, as her dad continued to decline.

My mom went with Granny daily at first, then multiple times a week, for over a year, as Pa's dementia worsened.  Granny wouldn't go by herself- it was too hard for her to leave Pa- because sometimes he begged her to go home and didn't understand why he needed to stay there. 

Granny, Mom, and her sisters had kept him at home as long as they could until it became dangerous to do so.  Fortunately, they found a loving, clean facility that was only minutes from Mom's house where Pa could stay.  They were continually impressed with the staff there, and it was certainly a blessing to my family.

"It won't be like this forever." 

I remember Mom's words so clearly because they held so much.  It meant what she was doing was temporary...because Pa wouldn't be like this forever.  He would not get better; he would get worse, and eventually he would pass away.  Now, I can focus more on that meaning.  But then I focused on her, and the fact that she wouldn't have to keep on like this forever.

Despite all of the visits and excellent care while being in the assisted living facility, Pa's condition continued to worsen, and eventually my family decided it was best to move him to the Hospice House so that he could be more comfortable.  I think this was the first time my grandmother allowed herself to believe that he may not get better.  She had always clung to the hope that he would get back to his old self.  Though most would deem this hope illogical, why should she not believe that her husband of 60 plus years would return to normal?  She loved him, and we always hope for the best for those we love.

 

Mom had asked me to pray for a peaceful death once Pa was moved to Hospice.  She also asked me to request prayer on his behalf from people I knew would pray and treat his condition with dignity.  Heartbreakingly, he was unable to eat and had become restless and uneasy near the end, and she just wanted him to go in peace.  Though it took longer for Pa to go to glory than we had hoped, the staff at Hospice was able to make him more comfortable and there were a few miracles along the way.

Pa was able to tell Granny that he loved her.  I count that a miracle. 

The night before he died, Granny sat by his bed and rubbed his hand, as she wanted to stay by his side.  One of the Hospice nurses asked if she wanted to get in the bed and lay next to him.  I don't think my family had ever thought that was possible, but Granny said, "Yes."  She laid there with him until the end, and I can only imagine how special that was to her as he had been away from home for over a year.  I count that a miracle.

The next morning, Pa passed away, and one of the nurses said it was one of the most peaceful deaths she'd ever seen.  I count that a miracle.

My mom had been with Pa a lot during the days he was at the Hospice House, but she was not there when he passed away.  Thankfully, though, she didn't need to be.  She had been there with him through everything, and she was the epitome of a "good and faithful servant."  She was sad, yes, but even more than this, she rejoiced that Pa was with Jesus.  He was more than restored to his former self, as my grandmother had hoped; he was transformed to his eternal self.

Pa meeting Lincoln for the first time

I share this story because those words from my mom, "It won't be like this forever," have continued to resonate with me.  On good days, when I am intentional about remembering them, this is the way they speak to me. 

When my toddler won't stop whining over the same things every day, I tell myself, "It won't be like this forever," and I have more patience.  Because he is a child and those things matter to him, and he deserves my patience.

When he wants me to read one more book, I tell myself, "It won't be like this forever," and I read another book.  Because I know that one day I will wish he wants to sit in my lap and read just one more book with me. 

When my baby gets up in the middle of the night to eat and I am tired, I tell myself, "It won't be like this forever," and I am able to receive those precious moments with him with joy instead of burden.  Because they are precious and time moves too fast sometimes.

When my husband, who is a saint, and I argue because we are physically and emotionally worn out in the midst of these two children, I tell myself, "It won't be like this forever," and I am able to choose kinder words.  Because he does more than anyone to help me with these two boys, and he deserves kindness.

I share this with you because I want you to know that whatever difficult thing you are going through won't be this way forever.  If you can accept those words, then maybe you, too, can find patience, joy, and kindness in the midst of your trials.  These words have given me perspective to see that some of these things that are hard for me now are some of the very same things that I will look back on and treasure. 

For better or worse, this world and everything in it are temporary.  It is my deepest desire that I do not waste my short time on this earth, so that one day I will hear the sacred words, "Well done, good and faithful servant!" uttered over me as well.

Dad's Birthday

Last week was my dad's birthday, and he has always been hard to buy for because he says he already has everything he needs.  This year I decided to write something for his 63rd birthday, and I think those of you who know him will enjoy reading it.  Special thanks to my friend, Nissa, for this great idea!

63 Reasons to Love Don Ramsey!

1. He is sacrificial.

2. He treats Mom's parents as if they were his own.

3. He gets up early and stays up late to come visit me.

4. He drives a smelly, old car and doesn't even care.

5. He rarely buys things for himself.

6. He usually does whatever Mom wants.

7. He is a church leader in many ways.

8. He is a devoted deacon.

9. He truly cares about the senior citizens of the church.

10. He drives people to doctor's appointments.

11. He is a great Sunday School director.

12. He has served on multiple committees.

13. He is a talented musician.

14. He plays the piano by ear.

15. He is a great saxophone player.

16. He is a first-rate tenor in the choir.

17. He sings beautiful solos.

18. He is in the community band.

19. He has had a long, successful career.

20. He served Buncombe and McDowell County as a sheriff's deputy.

21. He served McDowell County as "major."

22. He mentored many young people in the Explorer program.
23. He trained many officers in the BLET program.
24. He helped many prisoners as a Case Manager at the prison.
25. He served 12 years as the Clerk of Court of McDowell County.
26. He is a devoted City Councilman.
27. He is handy around the house.
28. He fixes everything.
29. He owns any tool you will ever need.
30. He hangs blinds, pictures, and curtains.
31. He even goes into muddy basements to dry them out.
32. He is a community servant.
33. He builds ramps for people who need them.
34. He enjoys visiting and talking with the residents of Rose Hill.
35. He serves meals at Thanksgiving.
36. He helps people on the Dread Disease committee.
37. He has good taste in food.
38. He loves Mom's home-cooked food and prefers it over eating out.
39. He is a huge supporter of Jack Frost!
40. He loves BBQ!
41. He has become an avid reader.
42. He finds a truck and moving blankets whenever you need them and then helps you move!
43. He moves furniture however many times you need him to until you get the room looking just right!
44. He is a great Dad.
45. He stayed up until I arrived safely at home every night of my life.
46. He was always calm and pleasant on the phone if I called and said I'd be late.
47. He provided everything I ever needed.
48. He also provided mostly everything I ever wanted, although I am still waiting on that Barbie Jeep :)
49. He built me a tree house and took me on roller coasters.
50. He let me have lots of cats and a dog and even a hamster.
51. He bought me my first car, a used Jeep that I wanted.
52. He bought me a safer car, a new Honda with side airbags that saved my life.
53. Then his insurance bought me a third car, with no complaints from him.
54. He paid the remaining balance after scholarships for me to get both of my degrees.
55. He takes me to Fatz when I visit because we don't have one here.
56. He always answers the phone, and he texts faster than Mom.
57. He has always treated me as the apple of his eye, until January 22, 2012, that is.
58. Now he treats Lincoln and Silas as the apples of his eye!
59. He is the best Poppy!
60. He is flexible, evidenced by the fact that he didn't mind when Lincoln recently changed his name to Pop-Pop.
61. He builds a mean Lego tower and doesn't care when it gets promptly destroyed.
62. He loves to babysit so I can go out.
63. He lets Lincoln do whatever he wants, within reason, of course!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO DAD AND POP-POP!

We are thankful for you and love you very much!

 

Dad and Lincoln

 

 

 

 

 

 

3 Days Before Silas Arrived!

 Dad and Silas