I met her in grad school, and we journeyed together for the next 15 months and beyond. She lived in Chapel Hill and I lived in Winston-Salem, but our friendship grew throughout school. At graduation, she surprised us by announcing she was expecting twins! When she was pregnant with those twins, we relaxed at the beach with her as those sweet boys grew in her belly. We went to the twins' shower, and visited them when they were tiny. We went to see them each summer, and she brought them to see my new house.
Fast forward a couple of years and she is expecting again, another boy! This time, though, she emails a request for prayers as she starts having complications around 20 weeks. Then this stay-at-home mother of two is put on bed rest in the hospital. Her family and friends rally around her, her husband, and her boys, filling in the gap until the new precious one arrives at around 30 weeks. How many prayers were sent up for this family and this child! But praise be to God, he made it and came home around his original due date! In Settle's words,
Well Friends,
We rejoiced with them that Baby Duncan was home. We visited and saw him with his big brothers. We were thankful.After:-10 weeks of bed rest-6 weeks of hospitalization prior to Duncan's birth-a 20% chance of survival outside of the womb-67 days in utero without amniotic fluid-over 110 trips in a row to Duke made by Jeff-66 days in the NICU at Duke....He's HOME!!!! Duncan Jeffrey Monroe met his big brothers, Jack and Webb, for the first time yesterday. They already love their brother and have given him tons of kisses and "gentle" pats. We are so thankful for all your support. Praise be to God that this miracle baby is finally home, where he belongs.Love,Settle
Fast forward again, nine months later. You get an email from a friend of Settle's asking if you've heard about Webb. You haven't, so you call the friend. You can't believe what she says. Webb has suddenly, unexpectedly passed away in his sleep. How can this be? How can this happen to this family? They've been through so much, and they've trusted Him the whole time. No one ever, ever deserves this, but she seems like the most unlikely candidate of all. You pray, you read the obituary, you go to the memorial service, you wonder how anyone can plan such a hopeful obituary and service in this kind of pain, you hug the grieving mother, but you can hardly bear to see her and you cannot bear to think of the weight of this burden.
You send emails, prayers, and a CD over the next few weeks. You think of her often. How can you not? How can you not think of this friend whose life has forever been altered? You wonder how she keeps going. The CD you sent was one of Sara Groves because it had these words. You believe them, and you pray they bring her some comfort in the midst of her grief. The song is called "Open My Hands," and you can listen to it by clicking on the title.
I believe in a blessing I don't understandThree months later, after emailing her to announce the birth of your son, you get an email from Settle that says this:
I've seen rain fall on the wicked and the just
Rain is no measure of his faithfulness
He withholds no good thing from us
No good thing from us, no good thing from us
I believe in a peace that flows deeper than pain
The broken find healing in love
Pain is no measure of his faithfulness
He withholds no good thing from us
No good thing from us, no good thing from us
I will open my hands, will open my heart
I will open my hands, will open my heart
I am nodding my head an emphatic yes
To all that You have for me
I believe in a fountain that will never dry
Though I've thirsted and didn't have enough
Thirst is no measure of his faithfulness
He withholds no good thing from us
No good thing from us, no good thing from us
Oh my dear Anna. Congratulations. Praise be to God. I LOVE his name and I can't WAIT to squeeze him in April. I am proud of you mama. That is one blessed little boy to have you. Hold him tight.Your breath catches when you read those three words, "Hold him tight," and you can't stop thinking about them because those three short words hold so much meaning from this friend of yours.
xoxo
Then 5 days later, you get another email:
Hey Friends and Family,You read those first few posts, and you marvel. You marvel at this woman of grace and light and truth. You read through your tears because the overwhelming grief is still there, but there is always a glimmer of hope, too. As time moves on, the hope starts to outweigh the grief, and you breathe a little lighter as you continue to read, captivated by every word.
We cannot thank you enough for the prayers, support and encouragement you have given our family these past few months. God has met an overwhelming amount of pain with an overwhelming outpouring of love. I would love to sit down with each one of you to talk about Webb, pain and God. Because I cannot do that, I have started a blog. There are other reasons I have decided to do this. I've tried to outline those reasons in my first blog post. Countless people have been praying for us whom we have never met. Please feel free to forward the blog to those whom you've asked to pray that we do not know.settlemonroe.blogspot.comLove,Settle
Settle is light and grace and truth. I have been so moved by her eloquent writing and emotion as she walks through this valley. She weaves words together like no one else. If you want to read her blog, I recommend starting here in January of 2012 to read about her from the beginning. Scroll down to read the earliest entry first. I read and re-read her posts because there is so much in them to experience and savor. She is a master storyteller. But more than this, she is a beloved child of the one, true King. And one day her family will be whole once again.
In the words of yet another Sara Groves' song entitled "What Do I Know?"(listen by clicking on the title) and 2 Corinthians 5:8:
Death can be so inconvenient. You try to live and love. It comes and interrupts. And what do I know? What do I know? But I know to be absent from this body is to be present with the Lord, and from what I know of him, that must be pretty good. Oh, I know to be absent from this body is to be present with the Lord, and from what I know of him, that must be very good.Amen.
