Gifts

A few months ago I decided to really try to start reading books. 

Sounds simple enough, right?  Well, it didn't sound simple to me, because I could count on one hand the number of books I'd read in the last five years!  I remember enjoying reading in elementary school, but that was the last time I could remember reading for fun.  After that I felt like my teachers assigned so much reading that it just felt like work!  As an adult I found it just a tiny bit odd when friends would mention books they'd read (on their own...simply because they wanted to!) and even more odd when other friends had read the same books.  I would wonder to myself how they found the time, and more importantly, the desire, to read.

Another conspiring factor in this decision was that I was tired of watching TV.  I  got to the point where I either felt like it was all the same, or there was never anything on that I wanted to watch, even though we have a DVR and can tape whatever we want.  I also felt like I was spending too much time watching TV without getting much enjoyment from it.  

I was also finding that I wasn't able to get my housework done during the day, so I'd have to do it in the evening when my husband was relaxing and I'd get frustrated.  I was thinking, Why am I working while he's relaxing?  But then I came to realize that I was spending too much time watching TV or surfing the internet instead of getting my chores done.  I think I did this because I didn't particularly enjoy washing dishes or doing laundry (imagine that!).  I felt like it was never-ending; every day there was more laundry to be done and more dishes to be washed.  It seemed like I could never get ahead, and I was stuck in an endless cycle.

In the midst of all of these feelings, I made my resolution that I would start reading.  But what should I read?  Well, I thought I would start with books that my dear friend, Settle, mentioned in her blog, because if they were good enough for her, they were certainly good enough for me.  One of the books Settle had mentioned was called Mudhouse Sabbath: An Invitation to a Life of Spiritual Discipline by Lauren Winner.  When I went to the library, that one was checked out, so I started with another book by the same author called Girl Meets God: On the Path to a Spiritual Life. 

Image courtesy of laurenwinner.net

I enjoyed reading this memoir about her journey from Orthodox Judaism to Christianity, and I especially enjoyed reading the insights she gave to New Testament Scriptures from her vast knowledge of Old Testament ones.  The parallels she drew really highlighted the treasure to be found when using the Old Testament as a lens through which to view the New Testament.  Anyway, it was a good first book, but the next two were even better. 

Settle had also mentioned the writings of Ann Voskamp, so that is where I went next.  She is the author of One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are.  I checked this book out from the library and started reading it in either November or December.  I was drawn to the cover and the subtitle- A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are.  I wanted to live fully right where I was, even when I was washing dishes and doing laundry.  I wanted to feel more purpose and meaning in what seemed like everyday monotony.  Little did I know, I had come to the right place. 

Image courtesy of A Holy Experience

 

One Thousand Gifts was deep, and sometimes I could only process a little bit at a time.  I will invariably oversimplify it by trying to tell you about it, but nonetheless, I will try.  Basically, Ann says the way to find joy in your life is by being present in the moment and giving thanks in everything.  She studied the Bible and found that Jesus gave thanks in everything and that His thanksgiving often preceded a miracle.  She started writing down her gifts, trying to reach 1,000, and she viewed every one of them as ways that God was whispering His love to her. 

Through reading her book, I began to realize that instead of dwelling on the few "bad" things that happened in my day or week and wondering why in the world they were allowed to inconvenience me, I should start focusing on the multitude of good things that were present in my life. 

As I began to change my mindset and give thanks for the seemingly small things, I started noticing that there were so many more good things to be thankful for than "bad" things to dwell on.  I began to finally, finally realize that it was not all about me and that I really wasn't entitled to any of this.  I began to think to myself, What if I see every good thing as a gift instead of every bad thing as a hindrance?  How would that change the balance?  What if I deserve none of this, and yet He has given it all to me?  I began to be amazed at how much I had been given and overwhelmed by His love for me. 

I had had glimpses of this before- a table set for two with nice dishes and a meal lovingly prepared by my friend, Pat, who adopted me as her own when I first came to my current church; a perfectly formed small group of people who didn't know me, but loved me anyway, complete with the perfect leader, who gave me the gift of fellowship and community when I needed it most; the joy and satisfaction I felt during my first taco night, complete with every imaginable ingredient and condiment, prepared by my friend, Nissa, who took me in and gave me the sweetest gift of friendship when I needed it most; my first taste of Jack Frost's homemade Nutty Coconut ice cream at the ice cream party my parents gave for the residents at my grandfather's assisted living facility, and the realization that all other ice creams would forever fall short as no other ice cream could ever compare; the overwhelming sense of peace and lightheartedness that came when I left the confines of my four walls and stepped outside into the light of His creation. 

Though I couldn't put my finger on it at the time, all of these moments stood captured in my mind and they have lingered to this day.  I think I knew there was something sacred about them, though I didn't fully understand why or what it was.  Now I know that they were all gifts, only a few of many, that for most of my life, I have taken for granted.  They were undeserved, unmerited gifts from the One who loves me and knows me best.  All these things (and so many more yet to be counted!) were gifts of grace from a holy Father to a beloved daughter.

Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above,

coming down from the Father of lights,

with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow.

-James 1:17

 

The Sabbath

So one good thing about putting your house on the market is that you have to keep it really clean.  Before I get to the day-to-day, let me tell you about the three "projects" I worked on before we put our house on the market.

1) I organized our master closet by sleeve-length, and I also put my clothes on color-coded hangers.  (White for shirts and black for pants, dresses, and cardigans).  Every time I walk in there, I congratulate myself on how awesome it looks.  I also think to myself, "Why did I not do this sooner?!"

2) I organized our laundry room.  I put everything neatly on the shelf, picked up things that had been on the floor for approximately two years (I mean, who actually has time to hand wash things and where else should they go but on the floor?)  I wiped off the machines, and put the laundry baskets on top of the machines instead of in front of them.  And voila, it looked way bigger and way more organized.

3) This is perhaps the most hysterical and definitely the most involved of the three "projects."  In order for you to fully understand this situation, you must know that we haven't raked leaves in the three years we've lived here.  Why, you might ask?  Well, I could say it was because I thought they would eventually turn to compost and enrich our soil, but really it's just because we don't believe in raking leaves.  I mean, what's the point?  Well, after blowing, raking, and bagging approximately 10 large, yard-sized trash bags from our not-so-big backyard, I now see the point of raking leaves!  I also see the need for the sun to be able to reach the grass since we have a few bare spots that were previously hidden by the layer of leaves.  All of this raking, blowing, and bagging was performed by myself and my dad, that is, after I spent about an hour picking up sticks from our backyard.  Also, the next day the bushes needed to be trimmed and pine needles needed to go down.  Did it matter to me that it was snowing?  Absolutely not!  Did I try to get an unnamed someone to trim bushes and put pine needles down the weekend before?  Yes.  Did that unnamed someone say they would hire someone to rake the leaves, trim the bushes, and put the pine needles down?  Yes.  Did that hired labor actually materialize?  No.  Can you trim bushes and put pine needles down whenever you want when you have a one-year old?  No.  So back to my first question.  Does it matter that it's snowing outside when you put pine needles down and borrow your neighbor's SUV to cart off a car so full of leaves that you have to go by yourself?  I think not!  All of this to say, our yard looks really good now, and I will not let leaves stay in my yard for three years before I rake them the next time! 

Ok, after all that very(?) necessary background information, let's go back to the day-to-day of having your house on the market.  First of all, I thought it would be one ginormous pain, but it actually has been awesome.  My projects helped me get a jump-start on all of this, and I felt good about the progress.  So now I don't mind washing a few dishes every day (instead of a large pile that I've let accumulate) and putting them away promptly so I have a clean countertop.  I don't mind making my bed and putting my toiletries away each morning to keep the bathroom looking nice and clutter-free.  I don't mind putting a few things away each day in order to have an orderly house because when you do a little every day, it's not that bad!

And the best part about all of this is that on the weekend, you don't have to spend that much time cleaning.  I actually vacuumed and mopped while I was waiting for my son to wake up this weekend, and I never do that!  So, the point of all this is that even though I've had to spend a few more minutes a day tidying up during the week, I seem to have way more time on the weekend to enjoy my life and my sweet little family.

Two Sundays ago, my husband and I took my son to the park.  I have recently started doing this on warm, weekday afternoons because my son is getting better at walking and seems to enjoy going (and it's actually easier than keeping him from getting into every drawer and cabinet in our house!), but this day was different.  All three of us were at the park, and there were no other moms exchanging stories like there usually are.  There were two other dads, one with a little girl and one with two elementary-aged kids.  As I watched my husband and the other two dads be so attentive to their little ones, I started to realize that it was a sacred moment. 

One of the elementary-aged kids asked his dad if they could play tag.  In my control freak nature, I would have certainly said, "No, we can't do that.  There are two young toddlers walking around and we don't want to run into them."  But this dad said, "Sure!" and started chasing them.  The kids and their father continued to do this as he was so silly and gentle with them.  One of his kids barely ran into my son (no harm done at all), and the father lovingly urged his child to go back to my son to make sure he was OK.  The child seemed unsure, but the dad guided him back to "make it right."  The dad didn't make it into a big deal, but he did make sure his child learned to do the right thing, and it was beautiful to me.  

The other dad helped his little girl up and down the slide many times, and it was just so sweet to watch.  And then there were my two boys- my husband and son beaming, my son toddling unsteadily across the park, my husband being silly and encouraging him and playing with him.  As I stood back and watched them, I remember thinking something to the effect of, "This is what matters.  My little family together in the park, enjoying the beauty of the day and the gifts we've been given.  This is what my son will remember when he grows up- not me scheduling every minute of his life or laboring over every decision that involves him.  This is a sacred moment."

As I later reflected on that Sunday afternoon at the park, I began to realize that maybe this was what our Creator God meant when he said, "Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy.  Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath of the Lord your God; in it you shall not do any work...For in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth, the sea and all that is in them, and rested on the seventh day; therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy."  (Exodus 20:8-11)

Maybe that's why watching fathers play with sons and daughters outside on a warm, almost-Spring day was so sacred.  During the week, we are busy.  We do our work, we have our routines, we squeeze in some time to play and relax, but we are often tied to our schedules and calendars.  But on the Sabbath, the only One we have to meet with is the One who created all this for us because of His overwhelming, never-ceasing love for us.  There are no time constraints on this day.  We worship the One who has redeemed us, and we commune with the One who withholds no good thing from us.  When I think of the gifts He has given me, my human heart can not take it all in.  It is too much.  It is too much to have parents who have given everything of themselves; it is too much to have a husband who daily shows me the forgiveness, grace, and mercy of God; it is too much to have a son who expresses and imparts joy to me every day.  It is too much for Him to have given His pure life for my stained one.  It is too much, but it is true. 

For the Lord God is a sun and shield;

the Lord gives grace and glory;

No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly.

-Psalm 84:11