IF: Gathering

To be honest, I don't even remember how I heard about the IF: Gathering last year, but it was probably through Jen Hatmaker.  Last year was the first year of this women's conference, and it is back again this February!  IF: Gathering is the vision of Jennie Allen, who has written books and Bible studies such as Restless, Chase, and Anything.  The IF: Gathering exists to "gather, equip, and unleash the next generation of women to live out their purpose."  The gathering started out as an event in Austin, but it sold out so quickly that they decided to offer it online as a simulcast so people literally around the entire world could participate.  

Jennie brought together a wide variety of women's leaders, including speakers, authors, bloggers, and worship leaders, to speak into our lives and lead us in worship.  The name "IF: Gathering" comes from the premise, "If God is real, then what?"  You can read more about it by clicking here.  The local simulcasts that are held around the world are called "IF: LOCAL."  I was introduced to so many different women last year at the conference, and I have read many of their books and blogs after learning about them there.  There are also set times for discussion with conversation cards that help guide us into intentional, meaningful conversations with other women.  Last but not least, there are worship times built into the conference as well.
 

 

Last year, these three friends and I watched the IF: Gathering online in one of our homes.  We didn't really know what to expect, but we were all blown away with the IF: Gathering so much that we want to host it at our church this year in hopes that more women will join us.  Some of the ladies that are affiliated with IF in one way or another are Jen Hatmaker, Christine Caine, Angie Smith, Ann Voskamp, and Rebekah Lyons, just to name a few.  I was blessed by the wide variety of speakers they had last year, and I look forward to what they have in store for us this year.

We will be meeting at Ardmore Baptist Church at 501 Miller Street on Friday, February 6th from 5:30-10:00 pm and Saturday, February 7th from 12:00-6:00 pm.  We would love to have women of all ages, from all denominations, join us.  Please feel free to invite any women you know.  We have our own IF: LOCAL page for our Winston-Salem gathering, and you can register for it by clicking here.  The suggested donation is $25 when you register, but the amount you give is entirely up to you.  You can also go to the IF: LOCAL page by clicking here to search for a gathering near you if you don't live in Winston-Salem.  If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me at AnnaRamseyRubin@yahoo.com, and I'll be happy to walk you through it.



The four session titles this year are:
A Call to Believe
Why Don't We Believe?
How Do We Believe?
What Could Happen IF We Believe?

The theme verse this year is Luke 1:45.
"And blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord."

-Luke 1:45

May it be true of us.

Baby Registry

I was fortunate to have a detailed list from my sister-in-law and a friend who went with me when I registered for my first child, and it really helped me navigate the multitude of choices.  I also recently had the pleasure of helping another friend register for her first child.  Here is my list of recommended registry items for new moms. 

1) Swaddle sleep sacks, but not the fleece ones because they're too hot.  I recommend registering for just 1 newborn one and 1 small one to see if you like them.

2) Flannel receiving blankets- 1 pack should suffice.  I prefer the larger Aden and Anais blankets to these because they're bigger.  These smaller receiving blankets can be used for burp clothes.

3) Aden and Anais swaddle blankets- They come in packs of 4 with really cute prints and they are the perfect size for swaddling.  They are lightweight, so the baby doesn't get too hot.  They also make great blankets in the stroller in the spring and fall.

4) Fleece blankets- 2 or 3 (depending on where you live) so you can keep one in the car and a couple in the house.

5) Crib sheets- 3 has always been plenty for me.

6) Breathable mesh crib liner- as opposed to the traditional crib liner that is a suffocation risk.

7) Mattress pad covers- It's good to have two of these in case the baby pees through their diaper!  My mom prefers the ones that don't have the plastic layer in them because she thinks it could make the baby sweat.  Crib mattresses have a waterproof layer, so mattress pad covers without the plastic layer should suffice.

8) Crib mattress- We got this Lullaby Earth crib mattress because it was the most reasonably priced "green" mattress.

9) Crib- We opted for this crib from Ikea because it was reasonably priced and we liked the color.  It says it changes to a toddler bed, but we haven't tried that since we got our second crib from a friend and continue to use this one for our youngest child.  We didn't want to invest a lot of money in the convertible cribs that transition to a full-size bed since we weren't sure what kind of bed we would want for our children then.  The Ikea crib does seem to be shorter, so it is probably easier for toddlers to climb out of, but at that point, you may want to go ahead and transition to a toddler bed anyway.

10) White noise machine- I ordered this one recommended by Moms On Call, and it has worked well.  It's even helped my older son take longer naps! 

11) Changing pad

12) 2 Changing pad covers- I like the soft dot ones, but any kind will do.

13) Some kind of changing pad liners- These are much easier to change than the covers themselves.

14) Car seat- We have the Graco Snugride 30, but I'd recommend the 32 or 35 to accommodate a baby's length for a longer time.  We have been happy with this seat.  It was the one that the Baby Bargains book recommended back in 2011, but I'd check the most recent edition before I purchased another one.

15) Car seat head rest or neck cushion for when they're newborns

16) Stroller Cart- We did the stroller cart that the Graco Snugride fits in instead of the travel system because we knew we wanted a Bob Revolution because we like to walk and our older neighborhood has uneven sidewalks.  I really like the stroller cart and still use it with my 11 month old to run errands because I can leave him in his car seat, snap him in, and run in a store.  The stroller cart has a roomy storage area underneath, so it is really convenient.

17) Bob Revolution Stroller- We LOVE this stroller.  We got it on Amazon when it was on sale, and then we got a used duallie version on Craigslist once we had our second child.  If you like to walk, it is amazing and worth the splurge in my opinion!
 

18) Pack and Play- We use this primarily for travel, but we also used it in the beginning for naps.  You can use it for nighttime in your room in the beginning if you want the baby in the room with you.  If your house is two levels, it's nice to have one downstairs in the beginning if their crib is upstairs.
 

19) Pack and Play sheet- 1 has always been enough for us
 

20) High chair- I did a Fisher Price Space Saver similar to this one because it fits in a chair instead of getting a larger, stand alone one.
 

21) Boppy Pillow and 1 slipcover for helping them sit up and tummy time
 

22) My Brest Friend Pillow for nursing- I prefer it over the Boppy because it's more stable and secure.  It also has a little bag where you can store things like nail clippers and lotion to use while baby is eating.
 

23) Medela milk storage bags- I had a Lansinoh bag split once when I got it out of the freezer, so I prefer the Medela ones.

24) Lansinoh nursing pads and/or organic cotton washable nursing pads- I prefer the Lansinoh brand of disposable nursing pads because they're larger than some of the others ones and stay in place better.

25) Breast pump- I have used this Medela Pump In Style Double Electric Pump for both of my babies and it has worked well.  It came highly recommended by everyone I talked to.  I had a problem with the tubing when my first son was a newborn and the customer service was excellent.  They were very nice and they overnighted me new tubing.  Most insurance will cover the cost of a pump now, but check with your insurance because I had to get mine through a certain website. 

26) Nursing Bras- I'd wait until the baby is born and you've nursed for about a week before I'd get more than one or two of these so you can get the right fit.

* Now seems like an appropriate time to give a shout-out to all the lactation consultants at Forsyth Medical Center's Nursing Mother's Place.  They were very helpful to me while I was in the hospital and even more helpful when I left.  They lead a nursing mother's support group on the 1st and 3rd Thursday at 11:30 where you can ask questions, meet other moms, and get free weight checks for your baby.  You can also call them with questions every day of the week.  You can make an appointment to go see them, and most insurances cover these appointments now as well.  I can safely say I would not have been able to breast feed both of my sons without their help.  They have been lifesavers to me!
 

27) Diapers- I prefer Pampers Swaddlers for babies.  My older son uses LUVS now because he doesn't drink much and they are fine, but I prefer Swaddlers for babies.

28) Wipes- Pampers sensitive wipes (thin) or Huggies natural care wipes (thick) are my two favorites.
 

29) Diaper and wipes case with a changing pad that wraps up and is easy to carry when you're out and about- I would get two of these!
 

30) Aquaphor Healing Ointment is my favorite for diaper rash, although it is not specifically marketed as a diaper rash cream.

31) Diaper bag- Get one that you love because you'll be using it a lot!
 

32) Hooded towels for bath time- I prefer the bigger ones that are normally sold individually as opposed to the smaller ones in multi-packs because you can use them as the baby gets older.
 

33) Lots of washcloths- we probably have 30 and are constantly using them still- to wash faces and hands after meals, in the bath tub, and to cover during diaper changes.
 

34) Tub- I like the ones with the sling.
 

35) Nail clippers, Thermometer, and Baby Hairbrush are the only things I use out of the Baby Toiletry Kit, so I'd just get them instead of the whole kit.
 

36) Soap and Lotion- I like Aveeno Unscented or Burt's Bees.  I also use Eucerin Original Healing Soothing Repair Cream for my baby's eczema.  It is the richest one they have, and it is the only cream that helps.  I tried Johnson's Naturals, and I did not like it.
 

37) Grocery cart cover- I used this with my first baby, but not with the second.  It depends on how germophobic you are!
 

38) Play mat with lots of toys above- My boys loved this Fisher-Price Rainforest one with hanging toys.  I didn't even use the sound and lights, but they loved the colorful toys!
 

39) I did not buy a swing, but we borrowed one with our first child and our second child really likes the one at my small group- they're expensive so that's up to you!
 

40) Bottles- My older son used Avent, and my younger son used Medela- I'd just get 1 of a couple kinds to see what they like, then buy a pack because they're expensive.  I wouldn't go crazy with different sizes, etc. till you know what your baby likes.  One benefit of using the Medela bottles is that you can pump right into them!

41) Baby spoons
 

42) Baby bowls that suction to the table with lids
 

43) Sippy cups
 

44) Feeding bibs- I don't like the ones that are 2 layers (cloth covered with plastic). I like the ones that are just one wipeable material with the food catcher part at the bottom.  I prefer the soft, pliable ones.

45) Aden and Anais makes super-cute bibs to wear all the time if your baby drools a lot.

46) Burp clothes- Have a few of these on hand for feeding and the diaper bag.

47) We have a diaper genie that's OK, not wonderful.  It doesn't keep all the smells in, but I don't know if anything would.  We used a trash can for the first few months until the smells got worse :)

48) Neither of my children really liked the Bumbo seat, so I wouldn't recommend it.  It's also something you can easily clean if you find it secondhand.

49) Exersaucer- Both of my children liked this, but we got a second-hand one from a friend because it is also pretty easy to clean.

I hope this list will be helpful to you or someone you know! 

 

Best Books for New Moms

I remember when my first child was born that I was afraid to be alone with him for more than a few hours for the first 6 weeks of his life.  It was hard, I was in pain, and it was not the blissful existence I had envisioned.  I was fortunate in that both of our parents were able to stay with us at different times, and they helped me so much.  When I look back on that time, it is amazing to me how low my confidence level was in my ability to parent!  I remember thinking that my mom was so much better at calming my baby down, and it was a long time before I felt like I could care for him as well as she could.   I don't remember exactly when it was, but at some point, I remember thinking (finally!), "I've got this!  I can do it!"  I have also been fortunate to have friends who have helped me and imparted wisdom along the way, and I derive so much joy from sharing what I've learned with other new moms!  In my opinion, these are the best books for moms-to-be or new moms.  I hope they will be helpful to you or someone you know!

The first book, Bringing Up Bebe, was written by an American journalist who was living in Paris when she had her children.  She noticed some positive differences in how Parisian children lived, slept, and ate, and she decided to share what she learned.  This is a very interesting, memoir-type read, and I highly recommend it!  Some favorite topics she discusses are sleeping through the night by 3 months, getting kids to eat real, adult food, and getting kids to live and play more independently instead of relying on parents to entertain them all the time!  She also highlights some really neat differences in French preschools.  I read this after my first child was born, and I really wished I had known about it before!  Shout-out to Nissa Vogel and Becky May for introducing me to this book in book club!

The next book is Moms On Call (0-6 months), and it really helped me to get my second child to sleep through the night by 3 months, which was awesome!  The ladies who wrote it are super positive, and they help instill confidence and joy in parenting.  They also have versions for older kids (6-15 months) and (15 months-4 years), but I have not explored these as much.  They are written by two pediatric nurse moms, so they include a lot of good health information as well, such as common illness symptoms and when to see a doctor, etc.  I also found out about this book after my first child and wished I'd known about it sooner!  Shout-out to Courtney Beaudry for recommending Moms On Call to me!

The next book helps with scheduling, but I must warn you that it is not the most interesting thing you'll ever read, and it doesn't really help with practical tips on how to get a baby to sleep through the night.  That being said, the schedule is AMAZING and has worked well with both of my boys so it's definitely worth the read.  I like Babywise's schedule better than Moms on Call's schedule, but Moms on Call gives advice on how to actually get the baby to sleep, so they are both very helpful and they complement each other well.  This was one of two books that I used with my first child.  Shout-out to Jennifer Craven and Leslie Hege, who not only recommended Babywise to me, but were also lifesavers in helping me implement it! 
 

Last but not least, Baby Bargains is an awesome book that helps you navigate the best products for your new bundle of joy!  It is absolutely priceless when it comes to creating your registry.  It is kind of like a consumer reports for all things baby.  It gives you information and ratings on different brands of EVERYTHING, and they update it every year or so.  They also help you realize you don't actually need every baby product on the market.  It really put my mind at ease when trying to choose the safest car seat and other items like that.  They are very reasonable and give you ratings in different price categories so whatever your budget is, you can know that you are making a safe choice for your baby.  Shout-out to Kristen Beavers for recommending this book to me!

* All images courtesy of Amazon.

Crumbs on my floor

I thought I was over it.  I thought I was doing better.  But then I lost it over crumbs on my floor.  It is funny to me that I once wanted a rug to go under the dining table.  Silly me; what was I thinking?

The toddler boy wanted Mini-Wheats and I had just mopped the floor while he was at school and the baby was sleeping.  I gave him his snack, but then shreds of cereal kept falling to the table and the floor.  My least favorite chore these days is cleaning the table and the floor underneath because it seems to never stay clean.  The Nester says in her book that her mom thinks clean floors make for a clean house.  And my dining room floor can't seem to stay clean. 

I confess that I ranted about crumbs.  I told the toddler to eat quickly and that he could only eat those for breakfast from now on, once a day, because I couldn't clean floors all day long.  I vowed to only buy the name brand from now on because surely it didn't shred and leave crumbs as easily as this store brand.  I threatened nap time; I lost it.

I went to put the boy down early for his nap because of the crumbs.  I can't remember if we sang or read, but I'm sure we did one or the other.  He got in bed.  I covered him up.  I went to put the baby down.  When I finished, I could still hear the boy singing. 

I normally don't go in, but this time I did.  I went in and his smile beamed.  I asked him if he wanted to sing again, and he did.  I kneeled on the floor beside him, rubbed his precious hair and face, and sang "You Are My Sunshine" and "Jesus Loves Me."  Those are our songs.  His sweet face gave forgiveness when I apologized.  Then his sweet voice said,  "Bye, Mom," and my heart skipped a beat. 

How does this precious one love and live so fully and forgive so easily? 

Forgive me, Lord.  And thank You for this boy...and for crumbs on my floor.

Photo by Lauren Hutchinson of Desilu Photography

The Nester

Washing dishes used to annoy me.  I do them, they reappear, and so it goes.  They are always there, never an empty sink.  Then I read Myquillen Smith's book, The Nesting Place: It Doesn't Have to Be Perfect to Be Beautiful, and she said something like this: As long as there are people living in your house, you will always have laundry and dishes to do.  It's a fact of life.  They will never, for more than a brief period of time, be completely done and clean. 

You would think this was common knowledge, but for me it was a revelation.  As long as there are people living in my house, it is OK to not have an empty laundry hamper and spotless, pristine sink.  Those things are signs of life.  It is not a realistic, achievable goal, even for a stay-at-home mom, to never have laundry or dishes to do.  It simply is not. 

Another thing I learned from her; it doesn't have to be perfect to be beautiful.  This was a big one for me.  I previously only thought perfection was beautiful. 

White undershirt with a stain that would never be seen because it's an undershirt, not acceptable.  Odd numbers or asymmetry, not acceptable.  One vertical and one horizontal, not acceptable.  Curves with straight lines, not acceptable.  Gut feelings over logic, not acceptable. 

Until now.  There are two pictures on my mantle, one of each son, and one is vertical and one is horizontal.  Why?  Because my gut liked those two pictures.  Previously, I wouldn't let myself do that, but now I know that it doesn't have to be perfect to be beautiful.  I did it, and it is not symmetrical, but it is beautiful. 

I thoroughly enjoyed reading Myquillen's book, and I highly recommend it.  It is filled with beautiful, thoughtful pictures of her own homes.  She's lived in 14 houses in 18 years, and most of them were rentals.  It is part design, part theology, and part let-yourself-live book.  I wasn't planning on gaining so much wisdom from it, but I did.  This book was recommended by, of course, none other than Jen Hatmaker.
 

Beauty

Dear God,

Today I'm pondering Beauty.  I've never really pondered Beauty before.  But something is making me pause to revel in Beauty never seen before. 

Flowers in a vase, eyeliner on a lid, a mantle decorated for the first time, a husband's easy agreement, a two-year-old's joy when visitors are near, a talk with my granny, an unexpected ice cream cone gift, the feeling of childhood, fun errands with Mom, a kiss from my dad, a prayer answered well.

I recently told my counselor I would like to have more fun.  It may sound silly or trite, but it is a real goal for me.  You see, I don't do things for fun; I do them for productivity, for efficiency, for marking them off of the on-going, never-ending, always-growing list in my head.  Previously, when the list shortened, I panicked.  What was I to do if the list ran out?  Would my utility to this man, to these children, to this world, run out?

I have spoken with friends about my goal.  In so doing, I have debated the futility of all things football.  But one of these friends who speaks of football, also speaks of fun, and I am intrigued.  I do not know this type of leisurely, friend-filled, food-laden way to spend hours of time.  I ponder her words of leaving laundry and errands for later.  My gut fear returns; what am I if not productive? 

This friend also speaks of community and says we were made for it.  My husband has long said that people just want to feel connected.  These thoughts swirl in my head as they look for a place to settle.  I like these ideas, and maybe they're true, but it's hard to find their place in this framework of rules I have kept for so long. 

Another friend says investing time in one child matters.  Staying home matters, even when it doesn't feel like it does.  Even when it doesn't seem productive, my mind wonders?  She says you don't have to reach the masses to matter.  Changing diapers and making a home matter.  They can be altar-offerings.  The perspective shifts.

Another friend keeps trying, keeps planning, even when it's hard.  She keeps believing, keeps offering, keeps opening, keeps doing.  Beauty, in her persistence, I see beauty.  We share ideas on money and excess, and beauty grows tall.

This husband, who so freely forgives and so quickly loves.  Beauty.  He even sees beauty where I see brokenness, in me.  He is thankful and joyful that I am his.  Beauty.  Father-God beauty.  Amazing-grace beauty.  Prodigal-son beauty.  It starts to grow in me and I fight to keep it afloat.

My counselor prescribed exercise to ease the depression and anxiety.  I love to walk.  I have so many memories of walking down our first-dirt, then-paved road with my mom.  I have noticed that everything is lighter outside.  Not just sun-filled, sky-lighter, but soul-lighter.  Lightness is what I crave, so every weekday morning that we can, we walk. 

The stroller is readied, the boys are tucked in, and we walk.  We walk beside busy roads, looking for buses and ambulances and fire trucks and police cars.  Because those things bring joy to that boy, and his joy matters.  We walk beside houses and yards filled with flowers and character.  Because those things bring beauty to this mom, and her beauty matters.  We walk during morning rush hour, and this woman somehow, strangely, feels energized and a part of it, even though she is only walking beside it.  But feeling connected and part of something, part of life, matters.

Kara Tippetts, blogger at Mundane Faithfulness, speaks of big love.  She speaks of small moments, and how they matter, and how big love matters.  How love beyond ourselves matters.  She is a wife and mother of four who is dying of cancer.  She writes almost daily, and she always reminds me to love big and reach beyond myself.  She reminds me that flowers in vases matter.  Mantles with squirrels and pumpkins matter.  Walks for no reason other than enjoyment matter.  Reading and singing and playing and dancing at bedtime matter.  He will remember.  He will feel loved.  It matters. 

Praying with him matters, too.  Thanking Jesus in front of him matters.  My heart smiled this week when we sat at the table and thanked Him aloud for a crisis averted, and he asked to call Him.  I told him we couldn't call Him, but we could always talk to Him wherever we are. 

I thought it would be hard to pray out loud with him and for him, but it is not.  The words slip easily and comfortably off my tongue.  The closeness of his little body wrapped around mine when we sit in the dark and sing "Jesus Loves Me" together is so true.  "Yes, Jesus loves me.  Yes, Jesus loves me.  Yes, Jesus loves me.  The Bible tells me so."  Beauty, anchor, truth. 

This God sent this Jesus to die for my sins so I would know of His beauty and love.  He could have been sacrificed for my sins without suffering.  He could have been my atonement without all the pain, but that's not the way it happened.  What a Savior we serve.  One who gave up His rights and suffered for us voluntarily so He could relate to us in our suffering.  Praise be to God.  That is big love.  That is the love I want for them both.  My deepest prayer each night is that they would know Him, love Him, and follow hard after Him all the days of their lives.

The lesson I'm learning is that beauty matters.  He made beauty for us.  It doesn't have to be productive to matter.  I used to live by that, think by that.  My baby is not productive to this world, but he is beautiful and he matters so, so much.  My toddler strives to be productive, but his take still outweighs his give.  Yet, he, too, is beautiful and he matters.  I matter.  You matter.  Because of Him, we all matter. 

Where do you see beauty today?     

To My Beloved Sons

Today I held you closer, asked for more of your sweet kisses, gave you more of mine, and swayed with you in my arms just a little longer, because I could not bear to put you down.  My heart wished you could know just how deep my love for you is, but I whispered to you that you would never truly know until you have children of your own. 

I thanked my God for you because now I understand a mere glimpse of what He feels for me because of the deep, unending, indescribable love I feel for you.  I think that maybe this is why He allows us to have these perfect little babies that grow up before our very eyes.  He wants to help us see that we, too, are His beloved creations that are treasured and loved beyond measure. 

Today as I held you, I willed you to know what a perfect creation you are.  No, you are not perfect by human standards, but you are perfect by mine and by His.  Your emerging personality, your quirks, your smiles, your giggles, your kisses, and that undeniable twinkle in your eye; they are all perfect to me. 

I think that's what God was whispering to me today.  I am not perfect by the world's standards, far from it, in fact.  But He created me perfectly in His image.  And He loves me and cherishes me even more than I can imagine. 

Oh dear ones, my biggest hope and prayer for you is that you can see yourselves the way that I do and the way that He does, as perfectly created beings made to know Him and love Him, do His good work, and glorify Him in all that you do.  Your mama is still learning to believe these things about herself, but she is sure they are true of you.  So maybe, just maybe, they are true of her as well. 

You are my joy, my light, and my life.  You are my beloved forever and always.

 

"How deep the Father's love for us, how vast beyond all measure, that He should give His only Son, to make a wretch His treasure."

-Stuart Townend

 

"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!  And that is what we are!"

-1 John 3:1

 

Lincoln, 8 days old

Uppercase Photography

 

Silas, 9 days old

Uppercase Photography